I guess I'm at that age now where people are settling down (LATE 20's, early 30's) and thinking about/trying to/ actually procreating.
It's funny to think there's an appropriate age to do this.
Fast Fact: The female body is ready to reproduce on average between ages 8 and 12.
Some as young as 4 have become mothers. Let's not talk about what possesses a male to try to impregnate a 4 year old. It's a disturbing thought for most. Imagine being a kindergartner and getting your period for the first time. Imagine just hitting the double digits and getting it, getting married off, becoming pregnant when you don't even really know whats going on it your body. These things happen in our world today.
A few years ago it was a shocker if you were a "teen mom". Teen meaning under 18, probably still in high school. I remember being appalled there was a Freshman in our HS that was pregnant when I was a Junior. I didn't even have sex at this point in my life!! But that was OVER 10 YEARS AGO... and within the last 10 years this occurrence, once a phenomenon, became common place. Schools actually account for needing daycare for their students. HIGH SCHOOLS. Teen Mom season 1-8, Teen Mom 2 season 1-4... there are multiple shows about it, making these "brave young women" into reality TV stars that "normal" girls want to be like - because Hey, it doesn't seem that hard for those girls on TV. #1stworldproblems
I always thought I'd be married right after I graduated college. That was 7 years ago. I met my (now) husband about a month before I graduated. He sure didn't go to my college. Unrealistic expectations for my life, but I didn't dwell on it then. In fact, I wanted more to go out into the world and explore my newfound options now that I had a degree rather than settle down with someone. I up and moved 11 hours away while in the midst of a newly budding relationship instead of cultivating it. Babies? NO thanks! There was a whole world to explore, fun exciting jobs(that didn't pay well) in exotic places, new people to meet, new things to see & do, new skills to learn, a resume to build. It was an exciting time. I came home 6 months later, and about 6 months after that broke up with the man I would later marry. I dated different people, dabbled, ultimately couldn't get over him and tried again. Babies? NOT A THOUGHT. We moved in together about a year later due to unforeseen circumstances. We were not ready to be married but we gave it a try. Our old school parents didn't agree with this new-age concept of co-habitating. My now husband even told me his father told him he disagreed and that a ring better soon follow. Kinda a "shit or get off the pot" pep talk. But ya know what, we didn't disappoint. We didn't have any "oops" pregnancies in 4 years of living together unmarried. We paid our bills on time, we fought, we took "breaks", we got a puppy, we even moved from one apartment & town to a whole other in that 4 years. We didn't kill each other. We didn't "oops". And one day, I got proposed to. It was 2 months after my 27th birthday, and my Fiancee was at the time 28. We had been together over 5 years.
Let's stop there. By the ages that we were when we got engaged, both of our parents were married and had MULTIPLE children. They were also not affluent but getting by, and some would venture to say "living comfortably".
Anyway. There I go comparing again....
We were ready to start a family the moment we got engaged. But we waited. We planned a wedding. Wedding planning should be a whole other blog post. You can't make up the shit that happened during that process.
I was 28 when I got married, my husband turned 30 4 months later. We went on our honeymoon 2 months after our wedding. We started "trying" while honeymooning. Here we are a full year later. I'm not pregnant and we don't have a baby.
We went to 5 wedding s(including ours) that year. 2 of those couples conceived "on their wedding night". That's a thought that amazes, shocks, and haunts me.
**Amazes me- it's the "little girl fairy-tale dream". To have a baby right away. isn't that what wedding nights are for?
**Shocks me because in our generation, us women are on birth control an average of 10 years before trying to conceive. Doctors say you should allow 3 months to a year to get that stuff out of your system. I was only on it the past 3 years prior to getting married because I have poly-cystic ovaries which result in painful (debilitating at times) cysts that rupture unexpectedly and made me quite ill.
**HAUNTS ME because I am still trying a year later. Haunts me because now I'm surrounded by all the couples I loved hanging out with before, who are adoring their babies. Who are glowing and cooing and nurturing and beaming and all they can seem to say to me is "You're next"/"It's your turn now" -or- "when are you guys having one?" -or- "Do you guys actually want kids?"
Just this weekend, what a packed weekend, but I went to a bachelorette party weekend while my husband went to hang out with friends (one of which got married 3 motnhs after us) who were visiting from out of state. There were 4 couples and my husband. 2 of the couples had 2 kids, the other 2 had one, and my husband was the outsider. He showed up on his motorcycle and all his buddies are pushing carriages. He said to me later "I finally know how you feel about this". He meant that he was annoyed by everyone constantly saying "you're next" and "now it's your turn". He felt that urge to say "it's not like we're not trying" or "if only you knew". He felt left out, felt the longing, felt ignored by the people he was there to hang out with. He felt out of place. He didn't know anything about babies, sleepless nights, coxsackie, daycare, diapers, formula. And he said "It's a good thing you weren't there". And I know he meant that I would have been much more emotionally affected if I had been subjected to that. Because he's heard me tell him about it.
I told him how it felt while sitting with two pregnant women and being the 3rd wheel, making more conversation with my friend's husbands than with my friends. Watching with envy as they rub their growing bellies and feeling a pang of jealousy when they complain about getting kicked in the bladder AGAIN. I did that for weeks, because before pregnancy we had a date every Wednesday for tacos and trivia. It all stopped when the babies came. I hung out with that same group once after the babies came. The moms chatted as if I didn't exist. I held a baby and fought back tears. I tried to make conversation with the husbands- anything that was normal and not baby oriented. I was interrupted by wives asking their husbands to be Daddies and attend to the baby or to them. I couldn't do it again.
Not being the center of attention is one thing- I can handle that. But the interior pain of not being a part of this, this next great journey in life. Being left behind by the pack that you had been nestled comfortably in. The pain ofknow(think)ing it was my fault, it's me who's not getting pregnant. The racing thoughts of is it the stress, is it my anxiety preventing me, is it the polycystic ovaries not working, is it that I drink too much, is it that I don't eat well, is it that I ride and fall of horses and my body says "Nope, too dangerous" and won't hold on to what I want the most.
And the jealousy. Oh that monster. To hold someone else's child and think and know I could do this. I could be good at it. I could swaddle and cuddle and nurture. I want it so bad. Hearing the complaining while pregnant that it sucks, it sucks not to be able to drink, to be tired at 8pm, to pee when you laugh, to waddle around, to feel "fat". When that complaining falls on longing ears... it's similar to a poor person listening to a wealthy person complain. Or a person who's hardworking and can't get the promotion listening to the partner's son who got promoted just for being what he is complain about the workload or the hours. #1stworldproblems
Procreating is the most natural thing an organism can do. Animals do it without a second thought. They just have a drive, an instinct that it needs to be done. Hence the term "f*ck like rabbits"? In all technicality that's only because Rabbits are spontaneous ovulators and can literally ovulate when a male looks at them. Cats too. Literally.
I have been tracking my ovulation for months now. Taking temperature, peeing on sticks, recording symptoms and mucus and all sorts of shit. It's become scientific. I wish I ovulated when my husband looked at me haha.
Just for the record- it's not for lack of trying! We have plenty of sex- I have been saying to my husband that he's a very lucky man. He should ask his friends how much they actually get from their wives and then he can appreciate what he gets at home. His GF/finacee/(now)wife is overly sexual, overly horny, demands a lot from him. It is not unusual for us to have sex every other day at the least. He denies me a lot. Before we were "trying" it was very fun and exciting and potentially more spontaneous. When my app tells me I'm ovulating, we try to do it every day... I mean we take a break day (day before proposed "peak" day) just to not burn out the swimmers and to try to ensure top vitality.
So. Here I am. This year we have 4 weddings. We are waiting for invites to 5 baptisms (we've been to one already). My sister has her second child on the way. She's not quite one of those "millenials", but she is a irresponsible 33 year old working a menial job, collecting 'aid', living at home with her parents and her soon to be 2 kids. Never flew the coop. Has no aspirations in life, probably shouldn't have had any children in the first place. We have at least 2 children's birthday parties to attend. If we want to hangout with our beloved friends, we have to endure baby carriages, baby talk, and the complaining about how "having a baby changes everything" (why- because you can't get shitfaced drunk and stay out late at clubs anymore??). We sit there and see some great parenting, lots of mediocre parenting, and at the end of the day we have lots to talk about- about how we do/don't want to parent. But for us, it's all wishes and hopes, and dreams, and prayers to be given the chance to parent something other than the dog. He didn't turn out so bad :)
Someone asked me if it just isn't in our cards- would we adopt. I asked my husband and he's open to it. Or foster. It won't be the same- but it will be something.
Or maybe we will be that couple that travels the world side by side, have 3 dogs and 20 horses and a goat and a pig and a barn cat...... and a Long Term care policy so that someone can change our adult diapers one day.
It's funny to think there's an appropriate age to do this.
Fast Fact: The female body is ready to reproduce on average between ages 8 and 12.
Some as young as 4 have become mothers. Let's not talk about what possesses a male to try to impregnate a 4 year old. It's a disturbing thought for most. Imagine being a kindergartner and getting your period for the first time. Imagine just hitting the double digits and getting it, getting married off, becoming pregnant when you don't even really know whats going on it your body. These things happen in our world today.
A few years ago it was a shocker if you were a "teen mom". Teen meaning under 18, probably still in high school. I remember being appalled there was a Freshman in our HS that was pregnant when I was a Junior. I didn't even have sex at this point in my life!! But that was OVER 10 YEARS AGO... and within the last 10 years this occurrence, once a phenomenon, became common place. Schools actually account for needing daycare for their students. HIGH SCHOOLS. Teen Mom season 1-8, Teen Mom 2 season 1-4... there are multiple shows about it, making these "brave young women" into reality TV stars that "normal" girls want to be like - because Hey, it doesn't seem that hard for those girls on TV. #1stworldproblems
I always thought I'd be married right after I graduated college. That was 7 years ago. I met my (now) husband about a month before I graduated. He sure didn't go to my college. Unrealistic expectations for my life, but I didn't dwell on it then. In fact, I wanted more to go out into the world and explore my newfound options now that I had a degree rather than settle down with someone. I up and moved 11 hours away while in the midst of a newly budding relationship instead of cultivating it. Babies? NO thanks! There was a whole world to explore, fun exciting jobs(that didn't pay well) in exotic places, new people to meet, new things to see & do, new skills to learn, a resume to build. It was an exciting time. I came home 6 months later, and about 6 months after that broke up with the man I would later marry. I dated different people, dabbled, ultimately couldn't get over him and tried again. Babies? NOT A THOUGHT. We moved in together about a year later due to unforeseen circumstances. We were not ready to be married but we gave it a try. Our old school parents didn't agree with this new-age concept of co-habitating. My now husband even told me his father told him he disagreed and that a ring better soon follow. Kinda a "shit or get off the pot" pep talk. But ya know what, we didn't disappoint. We didn't have any "oops" pregnancies in 4 years of living together unmarried. We paid our bills on time, we fought, we took "breaks", we got a puppy, we even moved from one apartment & town to a whole other in that 4 years. We didn't kill each other. We didn't "oops". And one day, I got proposed to. It was 2 months after my 27th birthday, and my Fiancee was at the time 28. We had been together over 5 years.
Let's stop there. By the ages that we were when we got engaged, both of our parents were married and had MULTIPLE children. They were also not affluent but getting by, and some would venture to say "living comfortably".
Anyway. There I go comparing again....
We were ready to start a family the moment we got engaged. But we waited. We planned a wedding. Wedding planning should be a whole other blog post. You can't make up the shit that happened during that process.
I was 28 when I got married, my husband turned 30 4 months later. We went on our honeymoon 2 months after our wedding. We started "trying" while honeymooning. Here we are a full year later. I'm not pregnant and we don't have a baby.
We went to 5 wedding s(including ours) that year. 2 of those couples conceived "on their wedding night". That's a thought that amazes, shocks, and haunts me.
**Amazes me- it's the "little girl fairy-tale dream". To have a baby right away. isn't that what wedding nights are for?
**Shocks me because in our generation, us women are on birth control an average of 10 years before trying to conceive. Doctors say you should allow 3 months to a year to get that stuff out of your system. I was only on it the past 3 years prior to getting married because I have poly-cystic ovaries which result in painful (debilitating at times) cysts that rupture unexpectedly and made me quite ill.
**HAUNTS ME because I am still trying a year later. Haunts me because now I'm surrounded by all the couples I loved hanging out with before, who are adoring their babies. Who are glowing and cooing and nurturing and beaming and all they can seem to say to me is "You're next"/"It's your turn now" -or- "when are you guys having one?" -or- "Do you guys actually want kids?"
Just this weekend, what a packed weekend, but I went to a bachelorette party weekend while my husband went to hang out with friends (one of which got married 3 motnhs after us) who were visiting from out of state. There were 4 couples and my husband. 2 of the couples had 2 kids, the other 2 had one, and my husband was the outsider. He showed up on his motorcycle and all his buddies are pushing carriages. He said to me later "I finally know how you feel about this". He meant that he was annoyed by everyone constantly saying "you're next" and "now it's your turn". He felt that urge to say "it's not like we're not trying" or "if only you knew". He felt left out, felt the longing, felt ignored by the people he was there to hang out with. He felt out of place. He didn't know anything about babies, sleepless nights, coxsackie, daycare, diapers, formula. And he said "It's a good thing you weren't there". And I know he meant that I would have been much more emotionally affected if I had been subjected to that. Because he's heard me tell him about it.
I told him how it felt while sitting with two pregnant women and being the 3rd wheel, making more conversation with my friend's husbands than with my friends. Watching with envy as they rub their growing bellies and feeling a pang of jealousy when they complain about getting kicked in the bladder AGAIN. I did that for weeks, because before pregnancy we had a date every Wednesday for tacos and trivia. It all stopped when the babies came. I hung out with that same group once after the babies came. The moms chatted as if I didn't exist. I held a baby and fought back tears. I tried to make conversation with the husbands- anything that was normal and not baby oriented. I was interrupted by wives asking their husbands to be Daddies and attend to the baby or to them. I couldn't do it again.
Not being the center of attention is one thing- I can handle that. But the interior pain of not being a part of this, this next great journey in life. Being left behind by the pack that you had been nestled comfortably in. The pain of
And the jealousy. Oh that monster. To hold someone else's child and think and know I could do this. I could be good at it. I could swaddle and cuddle and nurture. I want it so bad. Hearing the complaining while pregnant that it sucks, it sucks not to be able to drink, to be tired at 8pm, to pee when you laugh, to waddle around, to feel "fat". When that complaining falls on longing ears... it's similar to a poor person listening to a wealthy person complain. Or a person who's hardworking and can't get the promotion listening to the partner's son who got promoted just for being what he is complain about the workload or the hours. #1stworldproblems
Procreating is the most natural thing an organism can do. Animals do it without a second thought. They just have a drive, an instinct that it needs to be done. Hence the term "f*ck like rabbits"? In all technicality that's only because Rabbits are spontaneous ovulators and can literally ovulate when a male looks at them. Cats too. Literally.
I have been tracking my ovulation for months now. Taking temperature, peeing on sticks, recording symptoms and mucus and all sorts of shit. It's become scientific. I wish I ovulated when my husband looked at me haha.
Just for the record- it's not for lack of trying! We have plenty of sex- I have been saying to my husband that he's a very lucky man. He should ask his friends how much they actually get from their wives and then he can appreciate what he gets at home. His GF/finacee/(now)wife is overly sexual, overly horny, demands a lot from him. It is not unusual for us to have sex every other day at the least. He denies me a lot. Before we were "trying" it was very fun and exciting and potentially more spontaneous. When my app tells me I'm ovulating, we try to do it every day... I mean we take a break day (day before proposed "peak" day) just to not burn out the swimmers and to try to ensure top vitality.
So. Here I am. This year we have 4 weddings. We are waiting for invites to 5 baptisms (we've been to one already). My sister has her second child on the way. She's not quite one of those "millenials", but she is a irresponsible 33 year old working a menial job, collecting 'aid', living at home with her parents and her soon to be 2 kids. Never flew the coop. Has no aspirations in life, probably shouldn't have had any children in the first place. We have at least 2 children's birthday parties to attend. If we want to hangout with our beloved friends, we have to endure baby carriages, baby talk, and the complaining about how "having a baby changes everything" (why- because you can't get shitfaced drunk and stay out late at clubs anymore??). We sit there and see some great parenting, lots of mediocre parenting, and at the end of the day we have lots to talk about- about how we do/don't want to parent. But for us, it's all wishes and hopes, and dreams, and prayers to be given the chance to parent something other than the dog. He didn't turn out so bad :)
Someone asked me if it just isn't in our cards- would we adopt. I asked my husband and he's open to it. Or foster. It won't be the same- but it will be something.
Or maybe we will be that couple that travels the world side by side, have 3 dogs and 20 horses and a goat and a pig and a barn cat...... and a Long Term care policy so that someone can change our adult diapers one day.
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