The (NOT SO) Skinny Girl

 So the title of this post is a little misleading if you don't have some background info. 3 MILLENIAL WOMEN, in very different places in their lives- both literally and figuratively- walk into a bar... sort of.  This past week, despite Covid-19 still looming, I had the wonderful opportunity to spend time with two of my best friends. All in our 30s, all living in different states, all leading very different lifestyles. The two  East Coast gals rode together to the very start of the 'Mid West' to re-unite with the 3rd... it had probably been years since the 3 of us were together like this.  Just a little background info on the 3 women, to set the scene J1- 33, lives in NJ with her husband, daughter (2), baby #2 on the way, and dog. Has a bachelor's degree, owns her own business and works for herself, joint owns a house and car with her immigrant hubby who does white collar work in the budding cannabis industry (pun intended). J2- 32, lives in Mass. Never married, has 2...

The definition of HUMANE is : 1. having or showing compassion or benevolence. "regulations ensuring the humane treatment of animals" synonyms: compassionate, kind, considerate, understanding, sympathetic, tolerant; More 2. intended to have a civilizing or refining effect on people. What I find interesting, is that humane leans toward human empathy, and yet does not include being empathetic to humans. Let me explain. It is humane to remove the testicles of male animals and the entire reproductive tract of female animals. Not only humane, but considered 'responsible'. There is even a campaign run by Friends of Animals (friends....?) that since 1957 has advocated for and provided for low-cost spaying and altering since it is the most effective means of preventing the births of dogs and cats, and their subsequent abandonment, suffering and mass killing. SOOOO... it is humane to prevent the abandonment, suffering, and mass killing of animals by choosing to medical...

No, I'm not a mother- YET. I have been trying for 2 years. No success. But I digress... do  you know what I AM?? A member of society, who is NOT easily offended.  HERE WE GO........ Link to the article for reference:  https://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2017/03/childism-can-we-please-stop-referring.html?showComment=1501272037188#c1594800012159815295 "What is childism? ( Just one more thing to be offended about?)  Childism is a prejudice or discrimination against a young person based on their age. (Just like sexism is prejudice/discrimation based on sex, racism is prejudice/discrimination based on race, and ageism is prejudice/discrimination based on mature age.)"   ...Sounds like it's a personally made-up term by someone who has been offended. I've never heard of childism or ageism... ever. Doesn't mean it's not a thing, I guess. IDK- I'm not easily offended. She goes on: Here's my gentle plea to stop referring to babies as less than a who...

Protesting. This is a normality now. It is an everyday occurrence. Another thing we have to consider "the new normal", right next to terror attacks and 'shootings'. We all heard about the women's marches... the most famous was the one on DC the day after the inauguration. But let me point out- this movement was organized and marches were held on a WORLDWIDE LEVEL.... which got me thinking that that issue actually has NOTHING TO DO WITH TRUMP.... But what do I know? I'm just a woman-- who's not afraid of a Trump-governed America. But that's not the only thing being marched or protested about. Gays were out in full force this weekend- They piggybacked the women's rally with signs that said things like "If I can't marry my boyfriend, I'll marry your daughter". I am not sure what that has to do with anything, but it seems disrespectful to the women who are marching for THEIR rights. Organize your own damn rally!! Blacks were p...

It's kind of funny when people tell you not to complain or worry or have an opinion or -worst of all- do something I hate the phrase "you wouldn't understand....". It's usually followed by something generalized or judgemental that the person has no clue how it affects you (and truthfully probably doesn't care). You wouldn't understand, you're white. You wouldn't understand, you're skinny. You wouldn't understand, you have a college degree. You wouldn't understand, you have money. You wouldn't understand you're not a wife/parent/or any other designation. And ya know it's actually hurtful... Because you're assuming I'm not HUMAN- that I don't CARE. That I don't have that basic human compassion for others in me. You assume I don't have feelings or can't understand complex human interactions or thoughts. All sorts of assuming. And after assuming how I think or feel, what I am or am not... You th...

Each one of my friends has some good points to share. Here, I highlight the 3 posts I got the most from today. If we are moved by something, we should share it to move others. I try to positively move people... and I feel at this uncertain and often scary time in EVERYONE's life, we need some little ray of hope. Here are some thoughts to ponder. Friend #1- Grow and learn. Half of America voted Trump and half voted Clinton. Don't be close minded. Don't box all Trump supports in as racists or dumb republicans and stop labeling those against him as idiot liberals. There are at least 60 million people with an opposing view. Clearly there are other perspectives. Try to understand each other. Our different experiences and values make us special but our unwillingness to understand each other makes us ignorant. For me, this is a tough pill to swallow but I have a faith in our future. Friend #2-  Words of encouragement: I read thru the news feed of people's feelings in...

Apparently, my mom and dad were abusive to me when I was a kid. They made me do chores, behave in public, and go to school. They spanked my butt when I did wrong and there was no other way to get through to me. They gave me a curfew and made me keep to it. They made me get a job and work for the things that I wanted. They insisted that I do my best at school, at my job, and to take pride in my work. I grew up with morals, a good work ethic and respect for the law and my elders. I'm blessed to have been so abused and mistreated! But when I look around today- I see a lot of "spoiling" and not a lot of parenting. Seems there are a lot of rude little brats out there and not so many well-behaved children. My mother worked at a Montessori school, and God Bless Maria Montessori because I think someone warped her vision. At today's Montessori school, children are not supposed to use their imagination- everything must be real life-based. You cannot tell a child "n...

So my husband told me over the weekend some FB player refuses to stand for national anthem... and I was like what why? I mean the national Anthem is a song about a country full of freedoms and bravery. He's using his freedom, but where is the bravery in this act? And then Monday I find out it's one of the higher paid and more influential guys who did this. And his reason is "racial inequality in America" and more so the whole police brutality thing going on. He thinks sitting  down during the national anthem is going to solve anything.  Here's part of our convo: ....but NFL and 49ers support him?!?!?!  :/ husband: It doesn't matter... it causes a rift in your team. Some people feel strongly about the flag. Fans, coaches, teammates. If your teammates feel strongly you create a division in the locker room. That causes sides.. which causes drama. Telling you right now he won't be on the team much longer. There's no "I" in team. This is no place...

The thought came from reading articles about a 105 year old former Nazi insider (she was the stenographer for Head of Nazi Propaganda Joseph Goebbels) who has spoken about her day to day life and choices she made during a highly controversial time in Germany's - and the rest of the world's- history. She says of the film they made: "How important it is to have someone hold up a mirror at the end of one's life in order to recognize all the mistakes one has made." I say: But really, why wait until the end? Why not look at the mistakes as soon as they are made and learn from them- Grow and change as you are still living? She claims to have been naive, to have taken the job because it was prestigious and paid well, and even says that she had no idea of any of the atrocities. She says people often say they WOULD HAVE tried to help the Jews, which she says is admirable but had those people lived in her time they would have quickly realized that acting against the fl...

So I saw this today: And you know what my response to this meme is?? "What I would eat and what I care about other people eating are two different things" What I have eaten in that picture: chicken, cow, pig, duck What I would eat int hat picture: chicken, cow, pig, duck, rabbit, horse... dog or cat if that was a local specialty/delicacy Not pictured that I've eaten: Goat, fish, alligator, deer, bugs In my eyes, I do not believe that anyone should tell me what to eat and I shouldn't tell other people what to eat. YOU think dogs and cats are fuzzy cute companion animals. YOU think horses are companion animals. What YOU think and what (NAME ANY OTHER PERSON) thinks, believes, or knows is not the same thing. I think my micropig Tito is a family member and I would never eat his adorable little fat bacon filled body. But I eat bacon and pork in general. I think my Nigerian goat is a pain in the ass and I wouldn't eat his sinewy old ass even though he annoys me...

My question to you is- what does family mean to you? Does family mean you love each other unconditionally, but don't have to like each other? Does it mean that you allow others to make their own disastrous mistakes and keep your mouth closed? Does it mean that you try to divert them when they're on a collision course with heartbreak or failure or stupidity? Does it mean you "agree to disagree" every time you are with them? Does family always ask the other person first whats new? Does family always extend the invitation, or is it assumed the invite is always open? Does family mean open communication but only if it won't butthurt anyone (and does everyone's family have that one person who's butthurt about EVERYTHING?) I love my family. I would fight like a savage to protect them, I would guide them like no one guided me away from all failures and misdemeanors and stupid acts I have traipsed through. I want to be the matriarch, the one they look to...

Here's a thought: How often have you encountered a police officer? me: Possibly too often. I get pulled over a lot. There are often officer patrolling events I am at. I'm in cities a lot where they are working traffic. I also have one as a family member and a few as close personal acquaintances. What is your overall opinion of the officers you have had contact with? me: I'd say they're about 50% douschey and 50% stand up people. Even a stand up person can be a dousche sometimes. Even a dousche can be a stand up person sometimes. My officer family member would give the shirt off his back, is a family man, probably has his douschey "I'm a cop" moments but otherwise is a great guy. ONE TIME... I got pulled over and an officer approached my vehicle with his hand on his gun and yes, I feared for my life. I was afraid and scared and I didn't know why he would do this. After speaking with my family member about the incident, he said that the officer I e...

Scenario: I'm at the park, walking my dog, and I see a group of disabled people on an outing. They are all smiling. They are happy. They smile at me, and smile at my dog. And one woman steps forward and asks "May I pet your dog?". She's so very polite and I tell her yes he's friendly but he might jump but don't be frightened he loves to give kisses. And she reaches down, gently, and he embraces her. And he kisses her as if she's the most perfect wonderful person he has ever met. And this is basically how he greets everyone. And she tells me he is handsome, and she tells me she likes my hair, and I tell her I love her bright colored sneakers. And she says thank you and I tell her to have a wonderful day. And we part ways. I know I was smiling. My dog was smiling. She was clearly smiling the whole time. I wish everyone had more interactions like this. #1- Smiles for days. SMILES. FOR. DAYS. I said to my husband this weekend "Do I have anything in my...

So recently it's all about BLACK lives matter, LGBT lives matter, BLUE (police) lives matter....the question begs to be answered: WHY DON'T ALL LIVES MATTER? When we were children, we would tell our parents that we had a new friend. They were nice to us. They shared their snack. They were a boy or  a girl, and they had brown/blonde/red hair.... they had some distinguishing characteristics. Most likely, we picked them out because #1 they were nice to us and #2 they stood out to us. Maybe because of their characteristics, but probably because of their personality. I really don't think I ever came home and told my parents I had a black/white/purple (whatever) friend- that didn't matter. But maybe when my parents finally met that special friend they said something like "Oh they're Asian" or "oh the little black boy". It took an adult's perception to put a gender or raced based category to my new friend. And then you grow up doing that- Classify...

Have  compassion  for all living things. What is compassion? By definition: sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others. Synonyms: pity, sympathy, empathy, fellow feeling, care, concern, solicitude, sensitivity, warmth, love, tenderness, mercy, leniency, tolerance, kindness , humanity, charity. That word- compassion- is so full of meaning.  Empathy, concern, mercy, sensitivity, tolerance, HUMANITY. I would say the #1 way to promote compassion is to say you should have concern for the well-being of others. That's the simplest way to put it. And it's so simple. It's like that saying- don't be quick to judge, you  don't know whats going on in someone else's life. If we were quicker to show concern for others, we'd be not as quick to show hate and judgement. We see people's expressions and without asking, we come to our own conclusion. Resting Bitch Face is a THING. SO instead of saying to someone- why do you always look...

The Pope recently said the church should ask forgiveness for the way it has treated gays, as well as 'women, for turning a blind eye to  child labor  and for “blessing so many weapons” in the past'. This is not to be overshadowed either. There is a reason I backed out of the church a few years ago. Antiquated teachings, and comments about gays, and the fact that women cannot play a larger role in the church... all these things and a priest who didn't make me feel accepted and loved and didn't enlighten me. I felt like it was not doing the good in my life that I needed and I did not make it a priority. And yet,that was just locally. Since I have scaled back my church going, Pope Francis has upped his game. He is talking about things like being tolerant and apologetic to gays. And he's talking about us... that's right ladies- he's talking about women and their role in the church. My ears are open- Go on... So he says the door is closed. Men are priests, t...

SO I just read that the Pope made a statement about gays...  He said that the church owes an apology for judging and offending people who identify this way, as  Christians are not supposed to judge or discriminate like this.  And it is profound.  The church teaches that gay tendencies are not sinful but that gay acts are, and that gays should try to be chaste.  “The questions is: If a person who has that condition (the word he used in Italian translates to condition but can also be used as "situation"), who has good will, and who looks for God, who are we to judge?” Pope Francis said. It is following in the footsteps of his statement in 2013 when he said, about gays,  "WHO AM I TO JUDGE?" "The church must say it is sorry for not having behaved as it should many times, many times — when I say 'the church,' I mean we Christians, because the church is holy; we are the sinners," the pope said. "We Christians must say we are sorry." Y...

Let's talk about discrimination. Let's talk about judgement. Let's talk about HATE. I am white, female, Christian, American, Catholic, short, loud, outgoing, fun, cute, educated, loving. I have big hopes and dreams, I have educated and yet provocative thoughts and outlooks. I have swagger, I have style, I have a personality. I feel the HATE more than the love. I see how people look at me, I have heard how they perceive me. I have felt the sting of discrimination.  And yet there are so many people out there who would never believe that I too have felt singled out for my thoughts/beliefs/actions/being. To some, I'm as normal as it gets. To some, I stick out like a sore thumb. To some, I blend in or am "tolerable". To some, I stand out or "should be avoided at all costs". Sometimes I feel like people look at me and think I'd be a bad influence. And sometimes I feel like people want to be me. In today's day and age, you have to be a her...

This should be my motto EVERY DAY It's everywhere, everyday, sometimes all day. Some people ooze it, some people just have resting bitch face but we take it personally, and some people live to see it affect others.  Take for instance- Westboro Baptist Church. A Church. With one hell of a negative message. **Disclaimer, the following quotes do not belong to the writer of this blog and it pains me to even write it out... images would have been worse ** God h8s fags... Thank God for dead soldiers... God hates you... The Jews killed Jesus- God hates Israel WHAT?!?! DO YOU PEOPLE EVEN READ THE BIBLE?  God has no ability to hate. He doesn't hate anyone. He even says that if you repent and are truly sorry, you will be forgiven- he doesn't make any exceptions to this rule.  To elaborate on these [weird IMO] people- in case you are unfamiliar- this so-called "church" demonstrates  hate-filled protests of military  -AND NOW ALSO THE VICTIMS OF THE WORST MA...

Ya know I'm sitting here thinking to myself that I don't fall off horses because I'm stupid or I did anything wrong. When I was young, we used to say "I learned something when I fell off, and I'll never fall off for that same reason". The last couple times have been complete and utter accidents.  Accidents happen. You try to avoid them. Sometimes you can try all you want but you might make it worse. So yeah, I feel like I hit the ground more than I should(at my age/level), but I can count plenty of times I could have hit the ground and I didn't. That's what is exciting and scary and exhilarat ing about my sport- I team up with a 1100+ lb animal with a mind of its own who speaks a different language. Sometimes we get each other, sometimes we don't. Sometimes we trust each other, sometimes we don't. Sometimes we trip and fall on our faces. But we do it together. And as long as I want to get back on and the horse lets me get back on, I will keep...