Today's thought

Spoiler alert, this is gonna be a really selfish sounding rant.

So May is  Mental Health Awareness Month. So, to be aware- that means to understand mental health and thus to have sympathy and compassion for those who suffer. Mental health seems to be the most taboo subject out there. Unless you have a severe retardation, "normal" people don't discuss their mental health. And they are less likely to seek treatment. Most suicides are traced back to some sort of mental health issue.... Depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, bi-polar, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. A disorder is a condition characterized by lack of normal functioning of physical or mental processes... so basically it's a lack of being normal?

If you actually think about it- the mind is a beautiful and frightening place all at the same time- It's complex. People have gone mad trying to figure it out. And then you add feelings, this thing people call "a heart" to it all... your actual physical organ called the heart has nothing to do with it, but maybe because when you have ''feelings" they always seem to affect your chest region and your breathing? Maybe that's how heart and feelings and emotions became connected?

I suffer from CLINICAL DEPRESSION and ANXIETY. So, I thought I would spread the awareness by admitting that I suffer...in hopes that other people might come out, might provide me some support, or might just say "I never knew" and become more aware for the benefit of their friends and family members or self. I have received MINIMAL OUTPOURING OF SUPPORT. It's like I haven't even spoken. And it hurts. In my eyes, it proves that FACEBOOK and those who are "friends" through social media are FAKE. I receive more likes and comments for my horsey or puppy videos I share, for my USUAL sarcasm or humor, my feisty themed posts, and stupid pictures than I do for my "brave" admission to having a mental health disorder that I struggle to live with every day. It is a mind-blowing thing to go through. More people cared that I got my motorcycle license ... than care that I suffer every minute of every day from a hidden health disorder.... What does that say about the world we live in????
Here are my posts, so far, straight from my only form of social media- Facebook
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Jazzy Feisty

May 1 

Mental Health Awareness Month (also referred to as "Mental Health Month")has been observed in May in the United States since 1949, reaching millions of people in the United States through the media, local events, and screenings. #mentalhealthmonth #mentalhealthawareness #itsoktonotbeok

3 LIKES, NO COMMENTS

May 2
In light of NATIONAL MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS MONTH...
This is what depression is like (although every time I see Sheldon I can't help but smile).
QUOTE: ME: I'm gonna clean the apartment, go grocery shopping, cook dinner, and get work done
3 Minutes after getting home:
See gif : https://media.giphy.com/media/fOVGTYyYtV6Ra/giphy.gif please click :)
3 LIKES, NO COMMENTS

Jazzy Feisty

May 2 

Reminding myself there have been many wonderful moments in the past 30 days. 

 <3

Jasmine's April Memories

16 LIKES, NO COMMENTS (I attribute this to the fact that there are "silly pictures" and it is less uncomfortable for people to view... my depression and anxiety has led me to second guess and over analyze everything)

Jazzy Feisty was feeling better.

May 8at 2:24pm · 

Lions- lionesses to be exact- don't have their balloon burst when they don't catch the first thing they go after. They know they have to keep going, keep trying, and that victory is in nailing it, not trying. I'm feeling positive today and OMG it feels good. #dontkillmyvibe #winning #nailit 

#mentalhealthmonth #mentalhealthawareness #itsoktonotbeok

(I was having a good day and wanting to project these good vibes on others...)

12 LIKES, 1 COMMENT (I attribute this to it not be overwhelming about mental illness

... my depression and anxiety has led me to second guess and over analyze everything)

Jazzy Feisty shared Mental Health on The Mighty's video.

May 10

#mentalhealthawarenessmonth
#anxiety #silentbattle #ibitemyfingersuntiltheybleed

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M96FS4aeNNU please WATCH :)

4 LIKES, 2 COMMENTS

Jazzy Feisty

May 11

I AM fearfully and WONDERFULLY made. #mentalhealthawarenessmonth#silentbattle #fighter

Athletic Heather 'Wonderfully Made' Funnel Neck Pullover - Women

Indulge in the supersoft french terry construction of this cozy pullover that features a funnel-neck design for a modern edge.

ZULILY.COM

2 LIKES, 0 COMMENTS

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Psychologists say "Expect nothing from anyone, and you'll always be pleasantly surprised..." That is so much easier said than done. When you have battled for a long time -a lifetime of anxiety, a year and a half of depression...seems like an eternity...., battled away suicidal thoughts, pushed away people because you are not even happy with yourself, prayed for acceptance and support and for something, anything good to happen... the responses (or lack thereof) just come across as a great big "WHO GIVES A F**K". And that my friends, is depression at it's finest. Worrying about it, noticing it is anxiety at it's finest. This is my hell. This is me- trying to be strong, trying to spread awareness and strength, trying to survive. This is me feeling like a FAILURE. EVERY WAKING MOMENT OF EVERY DAY.

Please help. Please help me. Please help your friends and loved ones. Please help yourself. Please look for signs. Those passive aggressive posts, those sad song lyrics, those friends who become reclusive and distant.... Please ask them if they are Ok. If they mention no, try to understand that, YES, everyone goes through shit but some people cannot see the light. Some people are medically or clinically in disorder and no one wants to talk about it.