The (NOT SO) Skinny Girl

Per Graham Allen (AKA the 'Dear America'/Daily Rants guy) [Opens with Papa Roach's "Last Resort"] What if I told you this wasn't just a song? In fact, what if I told you that someone, somewhere, someplace- someone- actually feels this way. What if I told you that right NOW- someone, somewhere, by some means... just took their life by suicide. Did you know that it is estimated that every 16 minutes someone in the US take their own life?Did you know that Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US? An estimated 44,000 Americans take their own lives each and every year. In 2017 we are already over 23,000 American that have taken their own life. Suicide is nothing new. It is in our music, in our movies, in our graphic novels- it has been everywhere for years. Netflix has a hit show called 13 Reasons Why- a story about a girl who commits suicide and leaves 13 reasons why she did it. The original intent behind the series was to bring awareness to bullyin...

Spoiler alert, this is gonna be a really selfish sounding rant. So May is  Mental Health Awareness Month. So, to be aware- that means to understand mental health and thus to have sympathy and compassion for those who suffer. Mental health seems to be the most taboo subject out there. Unless you have a severe retardation, "normal" people don't discuss their mental health. And they are less likely to seek treatment. Most suicides are traced back to some sort of mental health issue.... Depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, bi-polar, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. A disorder is a condition characterized by lack of normal functioning of physical or mental processes... so basically it's a lack of being normal? If you actually think about it- the mind is a beautiful and frightening place all at the same time- It's complex. People have gone mad trying to figure it out. And then you add feelings, this thing people call "a heart" t...

You don't know oh how important and relevant this thought is to me today. For almost year I have sat pondering my existence, I woke up with a bleak outlook and have wallowed in self pity instead of making moves to make it better. And everyday when I went to bed, I hoped and prayed the next day would be better. I never realized I was missing opportunities TODAY. I couldn't bring myself to the point where I knew that hopes and prayers weren't what I needed- that action is what I needed. Allowing yourself to be consumed by depression, not seeking help, but instead settling into that rushing spiraling void can be DEBILITATING. If you can sense that YOU are having a problem, don't be afraid to reach out. YOU realizing it is the first step. YOU seeking help is the next. YOU getting better is the anticipated outcome. YOU creating YOUR future is the long term goal. :)

After talking about this whole thing in depth with my husband... I know what my point in this all is. I wrote a Facebook post and someone seemed disappointed in how I was viewing this. I realize that hiding behind a keyboard, you lose your emotion and you lose a sense of what you are trying to say. SOOOOO here goes. It's not about his right to stand or sit. It's not about his opinion or his feelings. For me, it's about the way he went about it. He didn't put the time into thinking about his approach to this topic. He had the power, the media, and the presence to make a point and make a difference. And he took action- he sat. And the cameras zoomed in and they saw him and people started wondering, people started asking. They asked if he was injured, sick, what could be triggering him to sit like this. And then he got the opportunity to explain. I guess for me, if you have to explain why you did what you did- you missed the big opportunity to make a po...

Have  compassion  for all living things. What is compassion? By definition: sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others. Synonyms: pity, sympathy, empathy, fellow feeling, care, concern, solicitude, sensitivity, warmth, love, tenderness, mercy, leniency, tolerance, kindness , humanity, charity. That word- compassion- is so full of meaning.  Empathy, concern, mercy, sensitivity, tolerance, HUMANITY. I would say the #1 way to promote compassion is to say you should have concern for the well-being of others. That's the simplest way to put it. And it's so simple. It's like that saying- don't be quick to judge, you  don't know whats going on in someone else's life. If we were quicker to show concern for others, we'd be not as quick to show hate and judgement. We see people's expressions and without asking, we come to our own conclusion. Resting Bitch Face is a THING. SO instead of saying to someone- why do you always look...

Let's talk about discrimination. Let's talk about judgement. Let's talk about HATE. I am white, female, Christian, American, Catholic, short, loud, outgoing, fun, cute, educated, loving. I have big hopes and dreams, I have educated and yet provocative thoughts and outlooks. I have swagger, I have style, I have a personality. I feel the HATE more than the love. I see how people look at me, I have heard how they perceive me. I have felt the sting of discrimination.  And yet there are so many people out there who would never believe that I too have felt singled out for my thoughts/beliefs/actions/being. To some, I'm as normal as it gets. To some, I stick out like a sore thumb. To some, I blend in or am "tolerable". To some, I stand out or "should be avoided at all costs". Sometimes I feel like people look at me and think I'd be a bad influence. And sometimes I feel like people want to be me. In today's day and age, you have to be a her...

I took my horses for a gallop out in the field yesterday because clearly they are frustrated with their training (trotting in the dusty ring for 40 minutes to build muscle tone). They got a kick out of it!  :)  literally- kicking up their heels and ears perked. Some times monotony is a mind killer in horses. Sometimes they just need to "horse" more and "human" less. But ya know what? I AM FRUSTRATED. I am sick of doing the same thing every day. Of waking up and knowing exactly what I will do at exactly what time-  and finding no surprises in my everyday life. I want to "human" more. I feel like a machine. I am going  through  motions: 7 am alarm.  Husband calls between 7:10 and 7:20 to make sure I'm up for the day.  Get up.  Poop.    (Threw that in there for the laugh effect.) Eat.  Walk dog.  Prep lunch & dinner.  Get dressed (including doing hair).  Pack riding bag. Commute.  Sit at desk...