The (NOT SO) Skinny Girl

When you are pregnant, everyone realizes- KNOWS- that you are giving up your body for another. Your body will change. You will probably gain weight, lose bone density, gain longer more luxurious locks, and lose your abs.Your whole shape may change, with wider hips and bigger (often saggier) boobs. But post birth, your body doesn't just snap back. It takes weeks, months, YEARS. Not just for your tummy, but your hips area, your boob area, your back, your ankles. Immediately, I felt the pain of the epidural. It's 10.5 months down the road, and sometimes I still do. It's getting much better. It was pretty bad for the first 6 months. My back hurt all the time as I hunched over, breastfeeding. As I bent to lift the carrier or a sock off the ground.  After 2 months, my scar was healed, but it was far from gone. It was(is) still slightly red, a glaring reminder that they cut me to save my baby. I could still feel it up until probably 6 months.  My feet were swollen for 3 wee...

So for 2.5 years, I used an app called Glow to track my cycle and predict my fertile window for ovulation. Maybe I didn't use it to it's full potential; however, the app was consistently able to align with the painful ovulations and cysts my ovaries put me through, and also would accurately predict 'Aunt Flo's' arrival. I teamed the app up with Ovulation Predictor Kits for at least 6 months, still no luck. And in early December, after debating spending money on IUI, a chance meeting with a Creighton Model Nurse Practitioner pushed me to challenge the the factory line of main stream fertility clinics and go a little old school. We scheduled an introductory session that my husband and I attended, at which we gained better understanding of how this was going to go down and I purchased supplies to move forward and scheduled my first follow-up appointment. Now, technically they suggest you abstain from trying or sex in general for 30 days to allow yourself time to adjust...

Have you ever had a secret that you were just dying to tell?? Usually it's a happy one that kills you from inside... something like a surprise for a loved one, or something you know someone will be proud of you for, exciting news in your life, maybe something that will totally change your and your loved ones lives. I've had many secrets over the years. Things being "hush hush" was just a way of life for me. I wasn't supposed to tell people I used to live with my aunt. I wasn't supposed to tell people that I had an 'other mom'. I wasn't supposed to tell people my mom hit me or pulled my hair. I wasn't supposed to tell people why I was grounded again, why I couldn't come out of my room or do things with my friends. I wasn't supposed to tell people how I felt about my other mom. I wasn't supposed to tell people about the court proceedings involving my other mom. I wasn't supposed to reach out to the family members of my o...

It's very ironic to me that on the day that a new governor is elected in my state, a governor who wants to make my state a sanctuary state, my husband is watching the documentary about Elian Gonzalez... 17 years ago, I was 13. Elian was 7. His mother wanted to escape from Cuba. She put him in a boat (of some sort) that she and her cohorts created- because that was the loophole that Castro gave them. If you make your own boat, feel free to GTFO. Feel free to try and make your way to the sanctuary city of Miami, 'new Cuba'/'little Cuba'." His parent made the decision to uproot him, his mother decided to take him from his father and the rest of the family HE KNEW AND LOVED... and head for the US where some of her family lived. This is not something new. This is something that still goes on. People send their kids to the US to have the better life, usually as illegals. People send them to aunts and uncles, to cousins, less often to older family members like grand...

In August 2016, I wrote a post called "Making babies... it's not that easy". And today, a year later I have the same feelings about that statement. We started TTC in AUgust 2015, 2 months after we got married when we were in Europe on our honeymoon. It was a magical time, we stayed in a rooftop loft in Rome, had a balcony overlooking the sea and Mt Vesuvius in Sorrento, and ate gelato in the squares of Florence. Absolutely fairytale-esque. But no baby came from that honeymoon, and no baby has yet to come into our hearts and arms. I have spent money on ovulation prediction kits, a cycle tracking app, and pre-natal vitamins. I have watched almost all of our friends become parents. I have watched my (sorry, here comes a rant) mooching 30-something-year-old sister suck the life out of my parents as they helped her raise her first kid, and then proceeded to have a second one. I have had blood work run and been palpated. My husband has done tests. I am going for a...

I have said it before and I will say it again- my husband is an immigrant. His whole family and the majority of his friends are immigrants. This"immigrant" conversation really hits home for me. Here's why... The country my husband comes from tries it's hardest NOT TO LET IT'S PEOPLE OUT. Especially the youth. Government officials know the youth will power the country forward into the new century (duh) and are important to the workforce and the economy. People have to win a lottery for VISA's. People who apply for VISA's can be denied for no reason at all, and not informed of this denial for a long period of time. It's also a country with a very high white population, almost no blacks, and I don't remember seeing any Latinos or Asians while there either...THAT'S A FIRST WORLD EUROPEAN COUNTRY RIGHT THERE.  2/16/17 was an organized nationwide strike called "day without immigrants". One headline read: 'Day Without Immigrants...

And the author then follows that headline with "Ladies, before you angrily dismiss me, hear me out...You don’t have to have a brain, drive or special skill set to get married. You just have to have a willing partner." 1st of all, I just want to note that an equal amount of MEN commented on this article as women did.  Here's my thoughts.... "You just have to have a willing partner"... sounds like what they say about sex now-a-days...  Getting married IS an accomplishment, it means you accomplished putting aside all of your selfishness and insecurities to be really real with someone - to care about them as much as (or more than) you care about yourself.  It means you've learned to work together on all things, you've learned to share secrets with them, you've learned there are no more secrets, you've learned to make JOINT everything- life goals, decisions, plans, accounts.  You have bettered yourself and another by being together ...

I guess I should say that YES I DO CARE... however there is more we can DO to fix our problems. We can start a revolution, by educating ourselves and our offspring. We can start a movement with deep roots. We can change the way we act to the world, and thus influence the way they act towards us. We can eliminate our problems, not just for ourselves- but for future generations. We can train, nurture, and produce better human beings than we have. We can do this- we can make the difference. Will you be the one to take the first step?

Apparently, my mom and dad were abusive to me when I was a kid. They made me do chores, behave in public, and go to school. They spanked my butt when I did wrong and there was no other way to get through to me. They gave me a curfew and made me keep to it. They made me get a job and work for the things that I wanted. They insisted that I do my best at school, at my job, and to take pride in my work. I grew up with morals, a good work ethic and respect for the law and my elders. I'm blessed to have been so abused and mistreated! But when I look around today- I see a lot of "spoiling" and not a lot of parenting. Seems there are a lot of rude little brats out there and not so many well-behaved children. My mother worked at a Montessori school, and God Bless Maria Montessori because I think someone warped her vision. At today's Montessori school, children are not supposed to use their imagination- everything must be real life-based. You cannot tell a child "n...

Let's talk about careers, jobs, income. Let's imagine you're a young kid. Before you even go to school, people ask you what you want to be when you grow up. And maybe you say fireman, policeman, doctor, builder, artist. Most likely you say something you've seen that stands out to you. Maybe Mom or Dad does it, maybe uncle or grandpa, or maybe just a character from TV. So you saw it and understand the job they do, and you decide that when you grow up that's what you want to be. So let's pick one... we'll go with firefighter. Because a lot of people perceive them to be heroes, and then maybe assume that such a dangerous and overly helpful job-because it benefits so many people- must be prosperous. So not only are you a hero, lots of people will need your help so you have job security, but it must pay well. So even as a little kid you put it together that it's a great job to have. Money, fame, etc. OK. Good choice. What's the reality of the job thou...

This weekend I hung out with my aunt. We laughed, I think she shed a tear, but we had a good time. And I walked away thinking, boy is she passionate. Let me give you some back story..... In 2008 my aunt had an abnormal mammogram [yes, mammograms suck but they save lives ladies] which resulted in a double mastectomy in 2009. At this time, she had 5 children, aged 8-15. She couldn't work, and her husband had to support them all while doing normal everyday life things- like driving them around to sports/activities, grocery shopping, making meals, etc. And then something miraculous happened. The community stepped up and stepped in- people she knew and many strangers who became friends. Meals were brought over, kids were carpooled without questions, someone stopped by to make sure the kids actually ate dinner and did their homework. And my aunt recovered fully. They didn't miss a beat in their lives and were no worse for the wear (minus a pair of boobies). After receiving such ...

So I woke up this morning ... my husband says let's put some air in your tires before you go to the shore. What a winner he is. Always looking out for his woman. (enough sappy). So we hop in the truck and head to the local WAWA. And when we pull up there's a bunch of SUVs hanging out over at the air pump. They're not pumping air. People are out stretching walking around and chatting. That's cool. We are patient. We go tank up, I even get out and clean the windsheild because why not, we're killing time and damn are there a lot of smudges. Ding ding gas is done, we look over- they are still there. We decide to run inside and get a coffee. We hang out a moment debating breakfast sandwiches. I grab a huge jug of water to take to the beach with me. We go out. They are still sitting there. Milling around. OK, clearly no one is getting air. There's even an SUV pulled up to that area using trying to use the pump. My husband says we should just go to another place and ...

And let me tell you, I have pretty much the cutest dog ever. He's kind of an a$$hole though. My dog is half Shiba Inu, half Jack Russell. If you know anything about the breeds, he's kinds a weirdo. Shiba Inu's are medium sized Japanese guard dogs. They're independent, very loyal, but kinda have a "no f*cks given" attitude. EXTREMELY intelligent. Then you got the Jack- and here in America they're pretty popular, especially with horse people. They're small. They're diggers. They are fast, they are athletic, they are high energy. They have the urge to go after smaller animals. They're Loyal, and super intelligent as well. So my dog. Well he is so smart. I once watched him climb the back of the recliner until he could get off onto the kitchen table. He's fast- but not too fast. He's independent- he doesn't need mom or dad or our approval. He once walked himself down to the dog park... crossed 2 roads... and was hanging out there lo...

A "real mom" posted a letter to self-proclaimed "pet parents" saying they need to stop considering and calling themselves this.  Funny because I had a very long drawn out "pet mom" convo via Facebook with someone already. I really need to post it here one day. But let me tell you what fuels these rants by people... IGNORANCE. BOREDOM. LACK OF EDUCATION. JUDGMENTAL TENDENCIES. Did I mention boredom?? This writer posted these as the biggest reasons not to compare yourself to a real parent, because..... (her reasons have the numbers, my responses have the ***) 1. My daughter ages one damn year at a time, not seven. She’s not gonna be a sweet, deaf old girl by 13. ***Not sure what this has to do with anything. It just means you have LESS time with the one you love and care for so you better make it worthwhile. 2. Sure, leashes have been adopted by parents. Now, I’m not about that, but I get it. Either way, I certainly can’t leave my kid tied to a pole ...

I guess I'm at that age now where people are settling down (LATE 20's, early 30's) and thinking about/trying to/ actually procreating.  It's funny to think there's an appropriate age to do this.  Fast Fact: The female body is ready to reproduce on average between ages 8 and 12. Some as young as 4 have become mothers. Let's not talk about what possesses a male to try to impregnate a 4 year old. It's a disturbing thought for most. Imagine being a kindergartner and getting your period for the first time. Imagine just hitting the double digits and getting it, getting married off, becoming pregnant when you don't even really know whats going on it your body. These things happen in our world today. A few years ago it was a shocker if you were a "teen mom". Teen meaning under 18, probably still in high school. I remember being appalled there was a Freshman in our HS that was pregnant when I was a Junior. I didn't even have sex at this point ...

The hardest thing we face as individuals is making a commitment to our individual success. Career success has been rammed down our throats. I mean, we make believe we are grown-ups. We dream of being firefighters, police officers, Doctors, ETC. We dream and play and pretend as kids to do all these grown-up things. And then we work towards it. We learn to read and write. We learn to speak, and then to engage in conversation. We learn motor skills and hone higher levels of thinking. When we were children, we could honestly say we learned something or bettered ourselves every single day. Don't just focus on your career. A career doesn't hug you when you're sad, or listen when you need to talk, or curl up next to you each night. A bank account doesn't console you when you've lost a parent, sibling, spouse, friend, or child. A nice car won't surprise you with dinner or send you a card on your birthday.  I challenge anyone that considers themselves worth the chal...

My question to you is- what does family mean to you? Does family mean you love each other unconditionally, but don't have to like each other? Does it mean that you allow others to make their own disastrous mistakes and keep your mouth closed? Does it mean that you try to divert them when they're on a collision course with heartbreak or failure or stupidity? Does it mean you "agree to disagree" every time you are with them? Does family always ask the other person first whats new? Does family always extend the invitation, or is it assumed the invite is always open? Does family mean open communication but only if it won't butthurt anyone (and does everyone's family have that one person who's butthurt about EVERYTHING?) I love my family. I would fight like a savage to protect them, I would guide them like no one guided me away from all failures and misdemeanors and stupid acts I have traipsed through. I want to be the matriarch, the one they look to...