The (NOT SO) Skinny Girl

I am reminded on  International Women's Day that I am a woman, and that that is something that is a force to be reckoned with. I am reminded by Hillary Clinton, Ashley Judd and countless other feminists that being a woman is a bold, brazen (nasty?), and strong thing to be.  I just want to take a moment now to count down the times I truly felt like a strong woman. When I learned to throw, hit, and catch like a girl. When I put pen to paper and drew a detailed picture or wrote a moving poem. When I made it onto the honor and high honor roll (the first time and every time) The first time I rode a horse- and every single time after. When I won my first blue ribbon. When I fall off, and get back on. Also, when I realize it's ok to not get back on right away. The first time I decided I had to be strong for someone else. Even though I was dying inside. When I earned my Girl Scout Silver award. When I learned to drive a stick shift. And every time I get to drive one. When I...

So for 2.5 years, I used an app called Glow to track my cycle and predict my fertile window for ovulation. Maybe I didn't use it to it's full potential; however, the app was consistently able to align with the painful ovulations and cysts my ovaries put me through, and also would accurately predict 'Aunt Flo's' arrival. I teamed the app up with Ovulation Predictor Kits for at least 6 months, still no luck. And in early December, after debating spending money on IUI, a chance meeting with a Creighton Model Nurse Practitioner pushed me to challenge the the factory line of main stream fertility clinics and go a little old school. We scheduled an introductory session that my husband and I attended, at which we gained better understanding of how this was going to go down and I purchased supplies to move forward and scheduled my first follow-up appointment. Now, technically they suggest you abstain from trying or sex in general for 30 days to allow yourself time to adjust...

I've been struggling with infertility for almost 2 years now. Hanging around with people who are deciding when to have their second or third child is really wearing me down right now. I've been struggling with depression for over a year now. Money issues, infertility, career struggles, anxiety, normal marital issues... all contribute to my depression. All contributed to night terrors and panic attacks.... all contributed to suicidal thoughts. Suicidal thoughts led me to seek help. I've been struggling, I've been working hard to pull myself out of the emotional hole I was living in. The fall was not quick, it was one thing after another pushing me down, down, deeper. The upward battle was a crawl at best. But there were road blocks. The biggest road block was not knowing what path I wanted to take. The biggest set back was knowing I wan't happy with many aspects of my life, and not working on the BIGGEST ones. The little baby steps I took, they were barely notic...

It's official!! We are home owners!  This journey took about 1 year, almost 100 houses seen, multiple offers, 3 contracts, almost 2 months "homeless", and finally we have a deed and keys!  🍾 🥂  We are big kids now!!  It blows my mind that I am now "rooted" somewhere, as clearly buying and selling houses is a huge hassle. But even more mind-blowing than that is what the attorney said to me while reviewing the paperwork: "You have student loan debt and you were able to buy a house? That's amazing! That's wonderful! Good for you guys!" Yes, I still have about $50,000 in student loan debt just to my name. I personally make less than $50,000 a year. I personally live practically paycheck to paycheck and work a second job part time to offset some of the cost of my expensive hobby, horseback riding. I also 100% own my own truck. I also have a 401k with a couple thousand in it. I also now own a house. According to the bank I only own a percenta...

The struggle is real. I know it. Anyone else ranging from "I have a few pounds to spare" to "I'm morbidly obese and I don't know what to do" knows it.  The moment you try to make that change, where you decide to restrict intake and calories and carbs and sugars... That is the moment that those things become all that you can think about. I want pizza, I want bagels, I want chocolate bars, I want cookies for the 3pm snack instead of a cheese stick. I want a can of soda instead of a 10th glass of water. I want to think I can have one mini size piece of chocolate and it won't ruin my day.  I want 3 sugars in my coffee and 1/4 cup of half and half, black coffee is depressing.  I want to eat haphazardly like my husband and forego walks or workouts. How does he look so fit when he eats pizza and pierogis and bread, bread, bread?! He must be an alien, there's no other explanation. But let's calm our minds, let's rant & then get over i...

I hate hashtags... #squadgoals ...#bodgoals.... #goals in general If you want your squad to be like that, you gotta work on it If you want your bod to be like that, you gotta work on it If you want to accomplish something                                                         you gotta work for and toward it Don't let the "scare you part" deter you from the "excitement".  Get out there and go after that goal!