The (NOT SO) Skinny Girl

When you are pregnant, everyone realizes- KNOWS- that you are giving up your body for another. Your body will change. You will probably gain weight, lose bone density, gain longer more luxurious locks, and lose your abs.Your whole shape may change, with wider hips and bigger (often saggier) boobs. But post birth, your body doesn't just snap back. It takes weeks, months, YEARS. Not just for your tummy, but your hips area, your boob area, your back, your ankles. Immediately, I felt the pain of the epidural. It's 10.5 months down the road, and sometimes I still do. It's getting much better. It was pretty bad for the first 6 months. My back hurt all the time as I hunched over, breastfeeding. As I bent to lift the carrier or a sock off the ground.  After 2 months, my scar was healed, but it was far from gone. It was(is) still slightly red, a glaring reminder that they cut me to save my baby. I could still feel it up until probably 6 months.  My feet were swollen for 3 wee...

I swear to you... over the past few days/weeks I have come up with like a BILLION great blog ideas. But they come in, they sound good, and then I have no idea where they go. But they're gone... like the wind ;) I have definitely not been above shooting myself a text message when I hear a song I really like and want to download later. (ask me how many I have actually downloaded...[0]...) I text my husband random things to remind me later. If he reminds me, I have no idea what he is talking about. Cest La Vie So for now, I will try and remember, I will try and document, and I will try to keep coming up with things to make you smile about or rant about or shake your damn head about. *cheers*

I guess I'm at that age now where people are settling down (LATE 20's, early 30's) and thinking about/trying to/ actually procreating.  It's funny to think there's an appropriate age to do this.  Fast Fact: The female body is ready to reproduce on average between ages 8 and 12. Some as young as 4 have become mothers. Let's not talk about what possesses a male to try to impregnate a 4 year old. It's a disturbing thought for most. Imagine being a kindergartner and getting your period for the first time. Imagine just hitting the double digits and getting it, getting married off, becoming pregnant when you don't even really know whats going on it your body. These things happen in our world today. A few years ago it was a shocker if you were a "teen mom". Teen meaning under 18, probably still in high school. I remember being appalled there was a Freshman in our HS that was pregnant when I was a Junior. I didn't even have sex at this point ...

Divorce rates are high- we know that.  Right now in the media things people are chatting about is : "How many times has Donald Trump been married?" "How did Hillary stay with Bill?" "how many guys does Taylor Swift go through?" "Amber Heard and Johnny Depp get divorced after ___ months" I'd like to think of "forever" and "happily ever after" all that stuff- but sometimes people aren't a good match. Sometimes people change. Sometimes the grass is greener. Sometimes there's just someone truly better. Sometimes, we are lazy and don't put the work in (especially when shit isn't so easy) and that's when it all fizzles out.  And everyone says it- "The key to relationships is good communication". How many people work on their communication skills? How many people actually HEAR and DIGEST what the  other  person is saying to them- especially when it has to do with FEELINGS. It would b...

We soothe ourselves and distract ourselves and, if we can’t even face the demons inside our own brain, how can we be expected to stick something out, to love someone even when it’s not easy to love them? We bail. We leave. We see a limitless world in a way that no generation before us has seen. We can open up a new tab, look at pictures of Portugal, pull out a Visa, and book a plane ticket. We don’t do this, but we CAN. The point is  that we know we can, even if we don’t have the resources to do so. There are always other tantalizing options. Open up Instagram, Facebook, SnapChat and see the lives of others, the life we could have. The life that just looks so much more glamorous, vibrant (thanks, filters), and exciting than ours. See the places we’re not traveling to. See the lives we’re not living. See the people we’re not dating. We bombard ourselves with stimuli, input, input, input, and we wonder why we’re miserable. We wonder why we’re dissatisfied. ...

I haven't been able to keep up and post something new each day. I know I have over 600 views on my posts, so I'm glad people are reading my stuff. But sometimes living life gets in the way of doing other things- social media is one. I've had a rough few days. Everyone has them. Not feeling well Not thinking well Not sleeping well I haven't even been eating well :/ There's been a very lot on my mind and I think I will be bale to break them out into posts for you. But for those of you who have days or weeks (or even months) like the ones I've been having- chin, there's hope. there's always SOMETHING good about life. Free bagels?? Random compliments?? Making someone else laugh/smile?? Someone else who made you laugh/smile?? Saw a pretty moon?? Saw a pretty sky?? Saw a pretty person?? Puppy wagged it's tail at you?? Baby smiled at you?? Car let you go in traffic?? There's gotta be something. Find one small thing every day. Whil...

Do you ever have that instance when you have 3 or 4 fun things and they all happen to fall on the same day (or weekend)? example:  -your friend is visiting from out of state (with their new baby) -your girl friend's bachelorette party (out of state) -Your friend from college is having a "1st annual event" down the shore, so many of your college buddies that you don't see often are already going.  Each one is fun in it's own way. On one hand, friends from out of state, you don't get to see them often. They just had a kid- he's cute! And they're coming your way for the whole weekend. they did kinda plan this last minute (2 weeks before??) On the other, your really good girlfriend (I mean hell, you made centerpieces for her bridal shower and she made a speech about you... you guys are TIGHT) is having her bachelorette party out of town that same weekend. Last minute as well (less than 2 weeks before??) On the 3rd hand- you RSVP'd a month ago...

Let's talk about discrimination. Let's talk about judgement. Let's talk about HATE. I am white, female, Christian, American, Catholic, short, loud, outgoing, fun, cute, educated, loving. I have big hopes and dreams, I have educated and yet provocative thoughts and outlooks. I have swagger, I have style, I have a personality. I feel the HATE more than the love. I see how people look at me, I have heard how they perceive me. I have felt the sting of discrimination.  And yet there are so many people out there who would never believe that I too have felt singled out for my thoughts/beliefs/actions/being. To some, I'm as normal as it gets. To some, I stick out like a sore thumb. To some, I blend in or am "tolerable". To some, I stand out or "should be avoided at all costs". Sometimes I feel like people look at me and think I'd be a bad influence. And sometimes I feel like people want to be me. In today's day and age, you have to be a her...

SO, I paid big bucks for 30 days of Isagenix- And then I get outside the "Strict 30" and find myself back where I began: Eating like crap. Bloated. Gaining weight. Sluggish. It's hard to be "strict", it's hard to say no, it's even hard to make healthier choices. I know- I did it! McDonald's or Little Cesars is easy and cheap. Getting a drink 2+ nights a week is fun! Making healthy lunches the night before is often a hassle. :/ Excuses are easy to make. So little by little I try to remember something I learned- like hey, instead of that chocolate bar, eat an Isadelight and it will satisfy that craving and not throw your whole day off. If you haven't packed lunch, go with something safe when you pick something up- when in doubt a salad with some grilled chicken will get you by. Drink as much water as you possibly can because water will fill that void that you think should be filled with free pastries or chips. If you don't wanna/can...

Ya know I'm sitting here thinking to myself that I don't fall off horses because I'm stupid or I did anything wrong. When I was young, we used to say "I learned something when I fell off, and I'll never fall off for that same reason". The last couple times have been complete and utter accidents.  Accidents happen. You try to avoid them. Sometimes you can try all you want but you might make it worse. So yeah, I feel like I hit the ground more than I should(at my age/level), but I can count plenty of times I could have hit the ground and I didn't. That's what is exciting and scary and exhilarat ing about my sport- I team up with a 1100+ lb animal with a mind of its own who speaks a different language. Sometimes we get each other, sometimes we don't. Sometimes we trust each other, sometimes we don't. Sometimes we trip and fall on our faces. But we do it together. And as long as I want to get back on and the horse lets me get back on, I will keep...

I took my horses for a gallop out in the field yesterday because clearly they are frustrated with their training (trotting in the dusty ring for 40 minutes to build muscle tone). They got a kick out of it!  :)  literally- kicking up their heels and ears perked. Some times monotony is a mind killer in horses. Sometimes they just need to "horse" more and "human" less. But ya know what? I AM FRUSTRATED. I am sick of doing the same thing every day. Of waking up and knowing exactly what I will do at exactly what time-  and finding no surprises in my everyday life. I want to "human" more. I feel like a machine. I am going  through  motions: 7 am alarm.  Husband calls between 7:10 and 7:20 to make sure I'm up for the day.  Get up.  Poop.    (Threw that in there for the laugh effect.) Eat.  Walk dog.  Prep lunch & dinner.  Get dressed (including doing hair).  Pack riding bag. Commute.  Sit at desk...

By now it's all over the news... Gun violence  TRAGEDY strikes again. And now you will see things like this: or   or   or So I ask you- What is your opinion? Because you know I'm going to give you mine. Here goes (haters gonna hate, but whatever): #1- There are victims. They are PEOPLE. They are brothers and sisters, sons and daughters, mothers and fathers, husbands and wives, friends, lovers, men, women, gay, straight, white, black, Latino, unknown ethnicity. They are PEOPLE. They were there at a place that should be a judgement free safe-heaven. It was labeled as supportive of a certain sector. They went there without fear, without hate. And Hate and Fear found them.... This is a HATE CRIME and the reason for it is FEAR. Fear of something different that results in hate, hate and fear because someone doesn't understand (or doesn't want to). Hate and Fear invokes violence in people. Hate and Fear influences people. Other factors are (almost) irrelevant to th...

I was not against a black man for president. I was FOR his charismatic speeches that had grand ideas, which never came to fruition. I was also young and dumb. I also did not like the other candidate as much. So I cast a vote and hoped and hoped this man, no matter what color his skin was, he would hold true to his word. And there was a lot of disappointment. But there will always be. And I will remind the American public why- there is only so much the President of the United States can ACTUALLY DO. There is a system of checks and balances set up that restricts the President : That's just a little flashback to grade school when they taught us this.The president as a person does actually very little- but they are our elected representative to carry out the overall will and laws of the people and country as a whole. That being said... Now it's an uproar and a celebration because the first woman has won the presidential nomination. I'm a woman, girl power! But did you know?...