The (NOT SO) Skinny Girl

So last weekend, my husband and I dropped our kiddo off at the in-laws and swooshed off to Vermont for a weekend get-a-way. We went with friends and family, ate and drank a little more than we should have, enjoyed fresh snow and outdoor activities- it was wonderful! My husband stated that I probably threw my diet in the dumpster and gained back everything I had lost. Well, even though that's rude and extremely negative to say to someone struggling with a weight issue, he was wrong. I had balanced my drinking and eating and activity level well enough to only see a normal 1lb fluctuation. This week and weekend however, I fought off a nasty 'mood'. I struggle with depression, and it often rears it's ugly head to try to suck me into it's quick sand. Late sleepless nights, late mornings that I don't want to get out of bed, tension headaches. And, of course, the urge to binge eat. To eat outside of my windows, to eat prohibited foods, to even have an alcoholic bever...

This January is actually not dominated by the weight loss competition that I am competing in. I am doing a whole body overhaul, and even doing a whole PERSON overhaul. I am not sure what is driving this overhaul. It may be very, very personal reasons- it may be it may be a combination of things, and it may be a little abstract and not fully known even by myself. But let me share with you my main focuses of this personal overhaul. Career On January 2nd I opened up an LLC, a Limited Liability Company. I established this to make my pet sitting side hustle more legit and help it to grow. I have currently been doing my pet sitting through the ROVER app/website. Rover hosts my profile, and based on my reviews and response times and how well I follow their recommendations and rules, it moves me up and down the list of sitters in my area. When I first signed up, I received my first client in a few days- and they are one of my FAVORITE! I have moved them off of the Rover platform and they...

So I've been doing fasting for 23 days, and I decided it was time to have a cheat day. And I didn't even cheat that badly. I had a delish halal platter  (rice, meat, veggies, yogurt sauce) and some hummus and babaganush and pita. For lunch. Then for dinner I had Homemade Chicken Alfredo and a glass of wine. Then for dessert I had 3 small cookies, a donut, and a piece of fudge iced cake. All within my eating window. I know, I should have left dessert out. I know I should have left the pasta out. I know, wine wasn't the best beverage choise. I know I could have had it all- ALL IN MODERATION. But it's cheat day.... And the next day I was a full 2lbs up on the scale. And I know that some of you may think I'm crazy for weighing myself daily, but it is helping me to see what works and what doesn't. I does work to do a 20 hour fast twice a week. It does work to get 12,000 steps (OR MORE!) a day. It does not work to eat a whole bunch of dessert and pasta insid...

I have completed 21 days of fasting- They say that's the amount of days it takes to create a habit and enact a change in behavior. And the best part is- I can feel the change! I am not hungry all the time- as in physically hungry. My stomach does not ache and yearn for food, my brain does- but less than before. I have only to overcome the mental block, that learned urgency to eat 3+ times a day. The schedule has already successfully been broken, but the mind over matter part is still working itself out. I have been trying to close my eating window, to make it smaller. I figure that, if I eat 2000 or 1800 or 1500 calories in 4 hours, I am still getting the nutrition that I need. For example, yesterday my sister invited me out to lunch. We met up around noon, and all I had eaten up to that point was some milk in my coffee and half of a yogurt (the other half my toddler wanted). From the moment my sister suggested lunch, I was like a missile locked in. YES. ALL THE LUNCH. She wanted...

So, I have struggled with weight for YEARS. Literally YEARS. When I graduated high school I was 118 and had a belly pouch. But I was pretty fit. I gained the freshman 15 or 20 or so. I lost weight sophomore and junior year, gained it senior year, lost it when I moved out on my own and had to do everything for myself- like shop for food, budget, and cook for myself.  Gained weight when I got comfortable with my boyfriend, lost weight when I had a ridiculously active and time consuming job (13 hours a day on my feet), gained it when I was jobless and depressed, lost it when I was happily working 3 jobs and always on the go, lost weight for my wedding, gained it after the honeymoon while struggling to conceive. And finally, gained even more while being pregnant and dealing with postpartum. So here we are. I have tried a LOT of things over the years to lose weight. Let me list them: Herbalife Anorexia (NOT RECOMMENDED and not intentional, just happened due to lifestyle) Eating clean...

So, of course I know that there is a movement called "Fat Acceptance"or something of the sort, but let me tell you right now- I do not support that. For many reasons- mostly scientific/medical ones, but also personal ones. As you know, I blogged about being pregnant and having a baby. So, I completely understand and agree that my body has done wondrous things and should be praised. I do not think that becoming and being obese is the praise that it needs. I currently weigh about 164 pounds... when I was 8 months pregnant, which is when I ultimately delivered, I weighed about 165. That 17 months ago- and the differences in the health factor of me living at that weight is stark. 17 months ago I was harboring another human in a very swollen belly. I had a protective sack of fluids around that human, cushioning her. I did not have gestational diabetes and was not considered obese. Right now, I have a BMI of 30, which poses a moderate to high health risk. 30 BMI, for my stature...

When you are pregnant, everyone realizes- KNOWS- that you are giving up your body for another. Your body will change. You will probably gain weight, lose bone density, gain longer more luxurious locks, and lose your abs.Your whole shape may change, with wider hips and bigger (often saggier) boobs. But post birth, your body doesn't just snap back. It takes weeks, months, YEARS. Not just for your tummy, but your hips area, your boob area, your back, your ankles. Immediately, I felt the pain of the epidural. It's 10.5 months down the road, and sometimes I still do. It's getting much better. It was pretty bad for the first 6 months. My back hurt all the time as I hunched over, breastfeeding. As I bent to lift the carrier or a sock off the ground.  After 2 months, my scar was healed, but it was far from gone. It was(is) still slightly red, a glaring reminder that they cut me to save my baby. I could still feel it up until probably 6 months.  My feet were swollen for 3 wee...

The struggle is real. I know it. Anyone else ranging from "I have a few pounds to spare" to "I'm morbidly obese and I don't know what to do" knows it.  The moment you try to make that change, where you decide to restrict intake and calories and carbs and sugars... That is the moment that those things become all that you can think about. I want pizza, I want bagels, I want chocolate bars, I want cookies for the 3pm snack instead of a cheese stick. I want a can of soda instead of a 10th glass of water. I want to think I can have one mini size piece of chocolate and it won't ruin my day.  I want 3 sugars in my coffee and 1/4 cup of half and half, black coffee is depressing.  I want to eat haphazardly like my husband and forego walks or workouts. How does he look so fit when he eats pizza and pierogis and bread, bread, bread?! He must be an alien, there's no other explanation. But let's calm our minds, let's rant & then get over i...

One of the things my psychologist noted about me is that I don't say the nicest things... to myself.  I would say things like "I'm a chicken without a head", "I'm scatterbrained", "I'm so dumb", "You probably think I'm crazy/psycho".  She asked me if I do this a lot. Truth is, yeah- all the time. You know how in 'Babe' the farmer guy says "That'll do, pig", and he means it as the highest compliment? I have said it to myself while looking in the mirror getting ready for work. I say it with this face 😕. Not quite a compliment. Even the title of my blog is a backhanded compliment... "not so skinny Jazzy". Yeah, people who weigh more than me think I'm skinny. I sure don't! Apparently, it's not that horrendous of a realization to not be able to fit into your wedding dress 2 years later. Because 2 years and 30lbs= happily married?! This is seriously a conversion I had. This is serious...

For those of you (US) struggling with bettering yourself... Whether it is  losing weight, advancing professionally, finishing school, changing the world (ETC ETC)... You need to change your mind first and then you can begin to change other things.

This is a (kinda) serious question.... If I eat two bags of Skinny Pop popcorn, will I be skinny(er)??? Seriously though. No really, this stuff is delicious.

So I had been talking to my cousin about this cleansing thing. We were recently walking on the beach just chatting about it. I didn't want to push it. I know her financial situation, but I also was listening to her talk about her body and her eating habits and her unhappiness.  And I mean I'm no sales person. BUT this is the first shake program I stuck to and it worked. The others, 30 days and no real results. This one was a little more expensive which is probably why I started with the other ones. But you truly do get what you pay for. I paid to lose 8lbs. . .To break a plateau. . . To gain energy. . . To see results. I got it. You can too. I had a long conversation with my cousin last night. I told her about my journey with Isagenix. People are always asking me "Why are you on a diet?" Why not I say- because YOU think I'm skinny? Because you think I'm petite? I'm on a diet because it seemed like the easiest thing to change- there were plenty of t...

SO, I paid big bucks for 30 days of Isagenix- And then I get outside the "Strict 30" and find myself back where I began: Eating like crap. Bloated. Gaining weight. Sluggish. It's hard to be "strict", it's hard to say no, it's even hard to make healthier choices. I know- I did it! McDonald's or Little Cesars is easy and cheap. Getting a drink 2+ nights a week is fun! Making healthy lunches the night before is often a hassle. :/ Excuses are easy to make. So little by little I try to remember something I learned- like hey, instead of that chocolate bar, eat an Isadelight and it will satisfy that craving and not throw your whole day off. If you haven't packed lunch, go with something safe when you pick something up- when in doubt a salad with some grilled chicken will get you by. Drink as much water as you possibly can because water will fill that void that you think should be filled with free pastries or chips. If you don't wanna/can...

So, everyday at lunch I go for a walk with my coworker/friend.  And we talk about life, love, and the pursuit of happiness.  We "talk shop"- work related things. We "talk boys"- about my husband and her boyfriend.  We walk, we talk, it's really refreshing.  But (almost) every day we have a nice little awkward chuckle about one thing... people who honk at us as we are walking. Minding our own businesses. *HONK!* It usually seems to be some sort of blue collar workers in a truck or van. And we have started coming up with reasons why they do this: - They think we look good (obvs) - They fantasize about a white-collar woman - They think white collar women fantasize about the blue-collared guy who's going to fix all their 'problems' - They're dirty old men - They think it's the ultimate compliment - They want us to know we were noticed These are all legit reasons. We are still debating whether it's rude, disgusting, kinda fu...

The only thing to make me smile today is when someone told me I look thin and that she guesses the Isagenix is working out for me. Yes, if nothing else- that has worked out for me. I put on pants this morning that I have not worn in probably 6 months. And I made a conscious decision to pack strict 30 approved lunch and snacks, and did not forget to prep my dinner shake for later. There's a bright side to every seemingly bad day. I should be grateful my pup is feeling better too- He's battling kennel cough. I may not be able to carry a human child within me, but my furbaby really makes me feel like a MOM. I am looking forward to getting to the farm and galloping the polo ponies out on the polo field. It's like 84 degrees out (which is glorious in my eyes). Silver linings my friends. Silver linings are all over. If you want to know more about my bad day- leave a comment. I have not gotten 1 comment yet and I would love to get feedback about what I am posting and how...

Official numbers after 30 days are: Weight lost: 7.5lbs Inches lost: 16 (not sure if I did this right- please comment if you know I did NOT) Body fat: -3.5% BMI: still in normal range Here's my progress tracking worksheet for reference. I have no idea why I forgot to log my 18th day results...

SO I think I started this on May 13th... And it's amazing to think that I'm almost done being " STRICT " . AKA RESTRICTING myself. And I think that's what people don't like about dieting. That they have to "restrict" themselves. But let's look at it logically- overindulging got you where you are. Eating the whole box of girl scout cookies in one sitting (guilty), having 6 pieces of pizza, getting a fried appetizer before your meal (which you know will be more than you can eat because you come here all the time), getting multiple sugary drinks while out for the night. All sorts of scenarios where, in your head, you say "Why not? I do what I want!". Believe me, I say that! ALL THE TIME- ask my husband. I get it. But when you wake up after 2, 3, 6 months of this behavior and you say "how could I gain XX amount of weight", deep down you know the answer. We live in a culture (Americana) where more is BAE. Bigger is better. I w...

So I heard you can actually do 3 2-day cleanses in a 30 day period. Music to my ears! After 2 weekends of a little edible promiscuity, I could use it. I mean, I spent a lot on this product line!! I've been trying, but not hard enough. So, I wanted to wash away my inequities. Cleanse me of that wonderful fare I enjoyed every bite of while on vacation. Clean me out one more time so I can (and everyone else if they want to) see the results of this heralded product. So again, I cleanse. Note- don't feel bad for me, it's not that bad. I'll be happy when it's over, though!

I'd like to say that when I started this weight loss thing almost 30 days ago (I had hoped I would have a full 30 days under my belt by June 3rd when I left for vacation but alas, shipping did not allow for it) it was with the intention to be at my wedding day weight of 120-122 (not quite sure, hotels don't have scales!!) by today. Reality is, I am nowhere near that. I am lucky if I am at 130 today. -not enough exercise? -too much 'cheating'? (terrible word to use while writing about a wedding anniversary....) -Belly fat is harder to lose than other fats?? But instead of being negative- like so much of the world is ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME- I'm going to look at the positives.   *My husband and I have been married 1 full year. *We have not killed each other. Although I almost burn the apartment building down every time I cook. *Every day he tells me I'm beautiful just the way I am. He says if I want to lose weight, it is for ME. Not every woman can say...