The (NOT SO) Skinny Girl

So, I have struggled with weight for YEARS. Literally YEARS. When I graduated high school I was 118 and had a belly pouch. But I was pretty fit. I gained the freshman 15 or 20 or so. I lost weight sophomore and junior year, gained it senior year, lost it when I moved out on my own and had to do everything for myself- like shop for food, budget, and cook for myself.  Gained weight when I got comfortable with my boyfriend, lost weight when I had a ridiculously active and time consuming job (13 hours a day on my feet), gained it when I was jobless and depressed, lost it when I was happily working 3 jobs and always on the go, lost weight for my wedding, gained it after the honeymoon while struggling to conceive. And finally, gained even more while being pregnant and dealing with postpartum. So here we are. I have tried a LOT of things over the years to lose weight. Let me list them: Herbalife Anorexia (NOT RECOMMENDED and not intentional, just happened due to lifestyle) Eating clean...

So, of course I know that there is a movement called "Fat Acceptance"or something of the sort, but let me tell you right now- I do not support that. For many reasons- mostly scientific/medical ones, but also personal ones. As you know, I blogged about being pregnant and having a baby. So, I completely understand and agree that my body has done wondrous things and should be praised. I do not think that becoming and being obese is the praise that it needs. I currently weigh about 164 pounds... when I was 8 months pregnant, which is when I ultimately delivered, I weighed about 165. That 17 months ago- and the differences in the health factor of me living at that weight is stark. 17 months ago I was harboring another human in a very swollen belly. I had a protective sack of fluids around that human, cushioning her. I did not have gestational diabetes and was not considered obese. Right now, I have a BMI of 30, which poses a moderate to high health risk. 30 BMI, for my stature...

When you are pregnant, everyone realizes- KNOWS- that you are giving up your body for another. Your body will change. You will probably gain weight, lose bone density, gain longer more luxurious locks, and lose your abs.Your whole shape may change, with wider hips and bigger (often saggier) boobs. But post birth, your body doesn't just snap back. It takes weeks, months, YEARS. Not just for your tummy, but your hips area, your boob area, your back, your ankles. Immediately, I felt the pain of the epidural. It's 10.5 months down the road, and sometimes I still do. It's getting much better. It was pretty bad for the first 6 months. My back hurt all the time as I hunched over, breastfeeding. As I bent to lift the carrier or a sock off the ground.  After 2 months, my scar was healed, but it was far from gone. It was(is) still slightly red, a glaring reminder that they cut me to save my baby. I could still feel it up until probably 6 months.  My feet were swollen for 3 wee...

A new study published in the 'International Journal of Fashion Design, Technology, and Education' reveals that the average size of an American woman is now between a 16 to 18, which is an increase from 10-year-old data that indicated most women in the U.S. were a size 14. "I am hoping this will help nudge the fashion industry to seriously consider expanding their sizes," said study author Deborah Christel, Ph.D. LOL...  But you don't make the connection between larger sizes of humans overall and obesity? You don't hope that the results of the 'study' you did encourage people to start eating better and exercising more and you know, stop being obese? You just hope the multi billion dollar fashion industry changes its ways... er, um, sizes. Because... feelings? I mean, anyone who says they can't find clothing in their size is forgetting to tell you the whole story, leaving out key factors like: can't find clothing in their price range, can...

The struggle is real. I know it. Anyone else ranging from "I have a few pounds to spare" to "I'm morbidly obese and I don't know what to do" knows it.  The moment you try to make that change, where you decide to restrict intake and calories and carbs and sugars... That is the moment that those things become all that you can think about. I want pizza, I want bagels, I want chocolate bars, I want cookies for the 3pm snack instead of a cheese stick. I want a can of soda instead of a 10th glass of water. I want to think I can have one mini size piece of chocolate and it won't ruin my day.  I want 3 sugars in my coffee and 1/4 cup of half and half, black coffee is depressing.  I want to eat haphazardly like my husband and forego walks or workouts. How does he look so fit when he eats pizza and pierogis and bread, bread, bread?! He must be an alien, there's no other explanation. But let's calm our minds, let's rant & then get over i...