Maybe it's just me and my upbringing, I mean Italian mothers/grandmothers are top notch at laying on the guilt. God forbid you made ANY plans on a Sunday, or any other day designated as a family day, that didn't include getting together at Mom or Grandma's house for a 3 course (or more) army-sized meal.
As I grew up and became aware and independent, I felt 'guilt' more and more. Not just for not spending time with family. For not thanking them enough. For not doing enough around the house. For not offering to do enough. For not having better grades or being better at something. For not having enough money for things. All sorts of guilt. I've carried this childhood notion of always feeling guilty about everything into my married, established, adult life. Interestingly enough, where I thought it was just a "ME" thing, I'm starting to realize our culture, as a whole, is very geared towards placing guilt on people unnecessarily.
It comes in a lot of different forms, in all shapes and sizes.
The biggest thing that stands out is that we are inherently guilty because of our color, heritage, or background.
EX- If you say you are German, you can bet your butt that someone will crack a Nazi joke at some point in time- Even if your German roots became American before the second world war broke out.
EX- If you are white living in America, you can be subject to hearing how you are inherently a racist and you descend from slave owners and you owe reparations to black people. Even if your white roots hail from Australia, Norway, or Czech... even if your family immigrated here within the last 50-100 years (well after the days of slavery, Jim crow, and segregation).
EX- If you are Japanese, some old timers may make comments about Pearl Harbor.
EX- If you are black, some people may shy away from you in a dark alley or in a convenience store parking lot, or on a crowded street corner.
EX- If you are trans, some people may make rude remarks about how much you do or don't look like the gender you are trying to portray.
EX- If you are LGBT, someone might assume you have some sort of sexually transmitted disease. They may also assume that you are hitting on them (often later described as 'unwanted advances') if you are being too nice to them.
And people can argue about how justified they are from making these assumptions and placing this guilt on you without your consent. You may even start to feel the guilt. You may acknowledge it, and start to give it thought and thus, affirmation.
I am a white female living in America... If you knew nothing else but that:
Am I guilty of racism? Possibly guilty of cultural appropriation at every turn? Am I guilty of white privilege? If I have a gun or support the right to have a gun, am I guilty of every murder that happens at the hands of those wielding a gun.? If I am patriotic, am I also a Nationalist? If I am for stricter immigration laws, am I a racist and promoting divide in our country? If I am a strong independent woman who is not a professed feminist, do I bow to the patriarchy? Am I a weak woman? If I adopt traditional roles for a woman- married, mother, not the breadwinner- than am I stuck in the 40's/50's gender stereotype, and need to be woke, need to be stronger, or need to be criticized? If I am pro-choice am I a killer or accomplice, if I am pro-life do I hate my fellow women? If I am thin and I comment on someone else's weight, am I automatically 'shaming' them?
Do you see how easy it is to feel guilty???
As I grew up and became aware and independent, I felt 'guilt' more and more. Not just for not spending time with family. For not thanking them enough. For not doing enough around the house. For not offering to do enough. For not having better grades or being better at something. For not having enough money for things. All sorts of guilt. I've carried this childhood notion of always feeling guilty about everything into my married, established, adult life. Interestingly enough, where I thought it was just a "ME" thing, I'm starting to realize our culture, as a whole, is very geared towards placing guilt on people unnecessarily.
It comes in a lot of different forms, in all shapes and sizes.
The biggest thing that stands out is that we are inherently guilty because of our color, heritage, or background.
EX- If you say you are German, you can bet your butt that someone will crack a Nazi joke at some point in time- Even if your German roots became American before the second world war broke out.
EX- If you are white living in America, you can be subject to hearing how you are inherently a racist and you descend from slave owners and you owe reparations to black people. Even if your white roots hail from Australia, Norway, or Czech... even if your family immigrated here within the last 50-100 years (well after the days of slavery, Jim crow, and segregation).
EX- If you are Japanese, some old timers may make comments about Pearl Harbor.
EX- If you are black, some people may shy away from you in a dark alley or in a convenience store parking lot, or on a crowded street corner.
EX- If you are trans, some people may make rude remarks about how much you do or don't look like the gender you are trying to portray.
EX- If you are LGBT, someone might assume you have some sort of sexually transmitted disease. They may also assume that you are hitting on them (often later described as 'unwanted advances') if you are being too nice to them.
And people can argue about how justified they are from making these assumptions and placing this guilt on you without your consent. You may even start to feel the guilt. You may acknowledge it, and start to give it thought and thus, affirmation.
I am a white female living in America... If you knew nothing else but that:
Am I guilty of racism? Possibly guilty of cultural appropriation at every turn? Am I guilty of white privilege? If I have a gun or support the right to have a gun, am I guilty of every murder that happens at the hands of those wielding a gun.? If I am patriotic, am I also a Nationalist? If I am for stricter immigration laws, am I a racist and promoting divide in our country? If I am a strong independent woman who is not a professed feminist, do I bow to the patriarchy? Am I a weak woman? If I adopt traditional roles for a woman- married, mother, not the breadwinner- than am I stuck in the 40's/50's gender stereotype, and need to be woke, need to be stronger, or need to be criticized? If I am pro-choice am I a killer or accomplice, if I am pro-life do I hate my fellow women? If I am thin and I comment on someone else's weight, am I automatically 'shaming' them?
Do you see how easy it is to feel guilty???
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