When you are pregnant, everyone realizes- KNOWS- that you are giving up your body for another. Your body will change. You will probably gain weight, lose bone density, gain longer more luxurious locks, and lose your abs.Your whole shape may change, with wider hips and bigger (often saggier) boobs.
But post birth, your body doesn't just snap back. It takes weeks, months, YEARS. Not just for your tummy, but your hips area, your boob area, your back, your ankles.
Immediately, I felt the pain of the epidural. It's 10.5 months down the road, and sometimes I still do. It's getting much better. It was pretty bad for the first 6 months. My back hurt all the time as I hunched over, breastfeeding. As I bent to lift the carrier or a sock off the ground.
After 2 months, my scar was healed, but it was far from gone. It was(is) still slightly red, a glaring reminder that they cut me to save my baby. I could still feel it up until probably 6 months.
My feet were swollen for 3 weeks after the C-section.
My hips surely do not fit in to a size 4 anymore. Or a size 6, 8...sometimes a 10 but mostly size 11+.
While breastfeeding I was a 38C. I'm a 36/38 B now, depending on brand.
But the most noticeable thing is, well, MY WHOLE BODY.
I weigh in at just about my 35 week pregnancy weight, without being pregnant.
I am 30lbs over weight. I was about 10-15lbs overweight when I got pregnant.
But let me tell you, my baby girl is HEALTHY.
She is well fed. She has some little rolls and adorable chubby cheeks. She's got a great growth chart.
My baby gets fed, what, 8 times a time? Mostly organic!
There are days when my first meal isn't until 12, and by then Easy Mac or McDonald's sounds really good. Or maybe that bag of pita chips on the counter- the whole thing. Or maybe those Hot Pockets that I bought for "just in case someone got hungry".
Water? Who has time for a glass of water? MORE COFFEE!! Make it a mochafrappichino with extra whip and drizzle, just so mom can treat herself. Make it a double.
There are days when dinner is a huge pot of pasta and I'm so hungry I just stuff myself.
And then, after the baby wakes up at 10:30 screaming bloody murder... at midnight I eat half a pint of ice cream. Again- to treat myself.
And you think you're going to lose weight breastfeeding, but more than not you don't. And you think that you're always on the go and thus burning calories, but you're really just saving fat because your body is afraid you'll forget to feed it again.
And so. 10.5 months down the road, here I am, overweight and embarrassed, ashamed of the body that created and carried a child. Here I am, going to the gym 3 days a week and it's not enough. Here I am starting my second 3 month weight loss challenge, in hopes that by the end of it I can KEEP IT OFF. In January I did one, I was 4 months post birth and 163lbs when I started. I lost 12.4lbs after 3 months. That's healthy. That's commendable. That's doable FOR ANYONE! But I was so disappointed that I lost, that I didn't even get 2nd or 3rd or the consolation prize (I was 5th out of 24) that I gave up on my healthy ways and went back to my easy care free ways. Going into it this time around, I'm 159. I've gained back more than half the weight- and it was so easy.
It's so easy to NOT focus on yourself, your health. It's so easy to forget self care, to forget to not just treat yourself, but treat your body right.
My child is flourishing, she is strong and healthy. She's smart, sociable, and full of wonder. She comes first. I can handle hiding in my house in baggy clothes as long as she is EVERYTHING she needs to be, and I'm giving her everything she needs.At least, that's what I tell myself.
But I can't stand the mirror. I can't stand the pile of beautiful, useless clothes. I can't stand shopping for bigger sizes. I can't stand the marks my pants make above my scar, the marks my underwear make. I can't stand the double chin in every picture, the roll of fat in my armpit, the sagging of my underarm and the bulging and rubbing of my thighs.
Yes, the kids are alright, but mom has been neglecting herself. Thus is the life of a mom.
My mother before me, her mother before her. Doing what's best for our babies. Giving up careers or make up or ...our once prized bodies... for their health, well being, and happiness.
If you are lucky enough to still have your mom, maybe tell her that she "looks great!" today. Find something to compliment to bring a smile to her face. Tell her you appreciate her sacrifices, and that she deserves some "ME TIME", lots of it!
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