Today my daughter turns 2. Today we have been on lockdown for 5 months.
2020 has been characterized by a pandemic- a new, deadly virus was identified in China in January and by March in the USA we were issued mask mandates and stay-at-home orders.
In March I found out I was pregnant.
I went to my "confirmation" appointment alone, wearing a mask, and very anxious. I had to call when I arrived and wait to enter the building until the office was ready for me. Mask on, temperature scan and screening questions at the door- had I felt feverish, sore throat, shortness of breath? Had I traveled outside the US? Had I been around anyone who had the virus? Hand sanitizer available at every turn, and only one person in the elevator at a time. Chairs stacked up in the waiting room so no one would sit, and containers of "clean" and "used" pens at the window. Masks and face shields and gloves on the staff.
2 years ago when I went, I took my husband to the first appointment and the gender scan at 20 weeks. This time, I was alone for all of the appointments. Alone and slightly rushed. In and out. Masks on, no smiles, no time to sit in wonder listening to a galloping heartbeat or looking at a flailing arm or leg on the ultrasound.
Now, don't get me wrong- I have my health. My unborn baby has it's health. And my doctor's office worked hard to keep us healthy. IT'S JUST DIFFERENT.
And the more I grew accustomed to the different time that we were living in, that I was pregnant in, that I would bring a baby into-- the more other people living or behaving in the 'old way' bothered me.
And before anyone gets butthurt by that comment- yes I know I live in America where we have ALL THE FREEDOMS and we exercise our right to exercise our freedoms. I KNOW THAT. But I don't understand the inconsiderate thought processes attached to this RIGHT. If I have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, don't I have the right to maintain my life and to live it fear free?
Like, isn't it already rude and inconsiderate to cough or sneeze in public without taking precautions? Isn't it already inconsiderate to visit the elderly or sickly if you are not feeling well? Isn't it already frowned upon to stand closer than 6 feet to a stranger while out in public? If the general public is in agreement with these things, then why is it considered such a hassle and inconvenience for a large part of the public to take extra consideration and precautions?
Would you go visit a cancer patient, a new baby, an elderly grandparent, or a pregnant lady if you had the flu? NO?! Then if you think this virus is no more deadly than the flu, why would you try to go visit one of these particular people or even get near the in public if you were not 100% sure that you were 100% well?
Here I was, trying to navigate the new world, and more times than not other people were out there being rude and inconsiderate of EVERYONE, not just me as a pregnant 'high risk' person. In the grocery stores- not following the one way signs, pulling masks down below their nose, passing closely by and even bumping into other shoppers. Why? Because a little bit of inconvenience to today's individual seems to be enough to make them miserable and defiant of even the simple courtesies we show to others. Why should I be jostled in a grocery store on any given day? Are we really incapable of saying excuse me? Are we really incapable of perceiving the world around us and navigating it with care and compassion?
Maybe this was just the way things were in America- the cream of the crop 1st world country. We are rude. We are inconsiderate. We are victims. We are not free unless we do and get exactly what we want when we want it. We are owed everything and should give nothing in return. We cannot stand to be inside, cannot stand to be restricted, cannot stand to be confined (even if just by a mask).
We cannot adjust and adapt and do what's good for the greater good.
It is probably safe to say that the discrepancies in the leadership's handling of themselves in the face of such a (not unprecedented) situation set up the nation to be confused and seek their own way through the dense forest of lies, information, and recommendations. No one can agree on anything!! Masks help the situation, masks do nothing to protect us. Hand sanitizer could save lives, hand sanitizer will ruin our immune responses. No groups of more than 10 people, except if you're protesting. No indoor dining, but outdoors (but actually kinda indoors) dining is fine. The vaccine won't be available until late 2021, but if we push it through testing as quickly as possible and it shows decent efficiacy then it's ok to hand it out early. NO ONE KNOWS WHAT TO BELIEVE, WHAT IS SAFE, WHAT WORKS, OR WHO TO LISTEN TO!
Good thing I'm on my second child and I don't have all the "I'm going to be a mom to a small human that I created and grew and protected inside of me and then birthed and then have to keep alive and happy and also well rounded..." feelings and thoughts and questions.
I'm not going to lie, I was pretty pissed when a 3rd person got in the 10x10 elevator with me - 8 months pregnant- and a medical personnel in full surgical scrubs when the sign said "only 2 people at a time in the elevator". I would rather not have to make an awkward exit and/or explain to the offending party that they were in the wrong. I mean, we're all adults here with consciences and morals and WHO CAN READ-- Right?
Anyway, stay safe out there
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