The (NOT SO) Skinny Girl

So I've been doing fasting for 23 days, and I decided it was time to have a cheat day. And I didn't even cheat that badly. I had a delish halal platter  (rice, meat, veggies, yogurt sauce) and some hummus and babaganush and pita. For lunch. Then for dinner I had Homemade Chicken Alfredo and a glass of wine. Then for dessert I had 3 small cookies, a donut, and a piece of fudge iced cake. All within my eating window. I know, I should have left dessert out. I know I should have left the pasta out. I know, wine wasn't the best beverage choise. I know I could have had it all- ALL IN MODERATION. But it's cheat day.... And the next day I was a full 2lbs up on the scale. And I know that some of you may think I'm crazy for weighing myself daily, but it is helping me to see what works and what doesn't. I does work to do a 20 hour fast twice a week. It does work to get 12,000 steps (OR MORE!) a day. It does not work to eat a whole bunch of dessert and pasta insid...

I have completed 21 days of fasting- They say that's the amount of days it takes to create a habit and enact a change in behavior. And the best part is- I can feel the change! I am not hungry all the time- as in physically hungry. My stomach does not ache and yearn for food, my brain does- but less than before. I have only to overcome the mental block, that learned urgency to eat 3+ times a day. The schedule has already successfully been broken, but the mind over matter part is still working itself out. I have been trying to close my eating window, to make it smaller. I figure that, if I eat 2000 or 1800 or 1500 calories in 4 hours, I am still getting the nutrition that I need. For example, yesterday my sister invited me out to lunch. We met up around noon, and all I had eaten up to that point was some milk in my coffee and half of a yogurt (the other half my toddler wanted). From the moment my sister suggested lunch, I was like a missile locked in. YES. ALL THE LUNCH. She wanted...

So I committed to the intermittent fasting diet- hooray for me. It was really hard the first few days. I get the urge to eat after 7pm- it's just ingrained in my mind that I should snack snack snack while I sit dormant watching TV. I rush to have dinner made and ready to eat before 6pm- because 6pm is the eating cut off. I try to remember to drink water throughout the day. Even though water and coffee are literally the only beverages that I consume on a normal basis. I try to get 12,000 steps a day, but often fall short with about 10,000. This has been said to be the average that a normal person walks in a normal day. But average and normal is not what gets a normally overweight person to lose weight. I lost 3 lbs in 17 days, according to the apps I am using - Fitbit and DoFasting! (I attribute most of this weight loss to the stomach virus that my whole family got last week). So, needless to say, after 17 days of using the apps and other tools- a brand new smart scale, night...

So, I have struggled with weight for YEARS. Literally YEARS. When I graduated high school I was 118 and had a belly pouch. But I was pretty fit. I gained the freshman 15 or 20 or so. I lost weight sophomore and junior year, gained it senior year, lost it when I moved out on my own and had to do everything for myself- like shop for food, budget, and cook for myself.  Gained weight when I got comfortable with my boyfriend, lost weight when I had a ridiculously active and time consuming job (13 hours a day on my feet), gained it when I was jobless and depressed, lost it when I was happily working 3 jobs and always on the go, lost weight for my wedding, gained it after the honeymoon while struggling to conceive. And finally, gained even more while being pregnant and dealing with postpartum. So here we are. I have tried a LOT of things over the years to lose weight. Let me list them: Herbalife Anorexia (NOT RECOMMENDED and not intentional, just happened due to lifestyle) Eating clean...

So, of course I know that there is a movement called "Fat Acceptance"or something of the sort, but let me tell you right now- I do not support that. For many reasons- mostly scientific/medical ones, but also personal ones. As you know, I blogged about being pregnant and having a baby. So, I completely understand and agree that my body has done wondrous things and should be praised. I do not think that becoming and being obese is the praise that it needs. I currently weigh about 164 pounds... when I was 8 months pregnant, which is when I ultimately delivered, I weighed about 165. That 17 months ago- and the differences in the health factor of me living at that weight is stark. 17 months ago I was harboring another human in a very swollen belly. I had a protective sack of fluids around that human, cushioning her. I did not have gestational diabetes and was not considered obese. Right now, I have a BMI of 30, which poses a moderate to high health risk. 30 BMI, for my stature...

I have joined so many "Mom's Groups" on Facebook since my daughter was born, and I get recommendations every day of another one to join, and another article to read, and another activity to try... the list goes on and on. 'Read this, do this, don't do that'... all with the intention of 'not screwing up the kid'. The anxiety I get from all of this, from being bombarded both face to face and through the screen, is almost unbearable. And I once worked in both a fast paced office environment and an animal hospital. The anxiety I get about keeping my own kid alive and 'not screwing it up' is overwhelming and keeps me up at night. I wish I had blogged about this every step of the way, but anxiety feeds depression and depression is a dank and ugly little hole that's hard to climb out of. But, here I am. Today I'd just like to touch on one teeny tiny little aspect of momming. It's about talking to your child. I was shown a chart of thing...

When you are pregnant, everyone realizes- KNOWS- that you are giving up your body for another. Your body will change. You will probably gain weight, lose bone density, gain longer more luxurious locks, and lose your abs.Your whole shape may change, with wider hips and bigger (often saggier) boobs. But post birth, your body doesn't just snap back. It takes weeks, months, YEARS. Not just for your tummy, but your hips area, your boob area, your back, your ankles. Immediately, I felt the pain of the epidural. It's 10.5 months down the road, and sometimes I still do. It's getting much better. It was pretty bad for the first 6 months. My back hurt all the time as I hunched over, breastfeeding. As I bent to lift the carrier or a sock off the ground.  After 2 months, my scar was healed, but it was far from gone. It was(is) still slightly red, a glaring reminder that they cut me to save my baby. I could still feel it up until probably 6 months.  My feet were swollen for 3 wee...