So, of course I know that there is a movement called "Fat Acceptance"or something of the sort, but let me tell you right now- I do not support that. For many reasons- mostly scientific/medical ones, but also personal ones.
As you know, I blogged about being pregnant and having a baby. So, I completely understand and agree that my body has done wondrous things and should be praised. I do not think that becoming and being obese is the praise that it needs.
I currently weigh about 164 pounds... when I was 8 months pregnant, which is when I ultimately delivered, I weighed about 165. That 17 months ago- and the differences in the health factor of me living at that weight is stark.
17 months ago I was harboring another human in a very swollen belly. I had a protective sack of fluids around that human, cushioning her. I did not have gestational diabetes and was not considered obese.
Right now, I have a BMI of 30, which poses a moderate to high health risk. 30 BMI, for my stature, is overweight to obese, depending who you talk to. I also have 38% body fat. More than a quarter of my body is fat. And, looking at myself, it's pretty safe to say it's mostly visceral fat. On a normal basis, I am carrying around a bunch of extra pounds like sacks of potatoes. I can see it in my arms, my face, my mid section, my legs, my hips- OK so that's basically EVERYWHERE.
Here's why I think that's a BAD thing.
I am short of stature with a relatively slender frame. I am now putting extra, unnecessary strain on my bones and the muscles and tendons that moves them. If you overload a table or shelf, it may collapse. Think about that when you overload your muscular-skeletal system.
So here I am- A mom to a toddler, a wife to husabnd, a dog mom, and now- A SMALL BUSINESS OWNER. And I am not happy with my body.
It is easy to make quick crap food, or pick up quick crap food.
It is easy to NOT go to the gym.
It is easy to be overweight.
It is not easy to change eating habits.
It is not easy to find the drive to get off my ass and start to sweat.
It is not easy to ignore a toddler.
So here we are. It's another January. It's another dedication to changing my body for the better. It's another weight loss post. I feel like a broken record, and I feel like a failure.
As I (try to) sit here and type, drinking my black coffee and my toddler loudly exclaiming she needs my attention, I realize that for many Januaries I have tried to do this. Last January I think I lost 12-14lbs in a 3 month period. I had a lot of incentive- a weight loss competition that paid out $1400 to the top winner. I am doing that again this year. Some women did 3 challenges in a row in 2019. I missed the second one, fell off the weight loss train, gained back 10lbs, and only managed to lose 4 in the 3 rd competition. But what ACTUALLY happened to me during that time?
I was embarrassed in photos.
I had to keep buying bigger and bigger jeans.
I had to replace jeans, legging, and yoga pants that got thigh rubs- yes, some had straight up holes.
I wore a lot of baggy sweatshirts that mysteriously became not-so-baggy.
I wore a lot of oversized cardigans.
I tried to remember to lift my chin and angle my body.
I tried to fit into a smaller size dress for my sister's wedding. I wore layers of spanx and similar items, and ended up uncomfortable and looking like a stuffed sausage. All of the expensive photos that she had, that had me in them, are -in my eyes- horrible and should have me cut out.
I AM EMBARRASSED OF MY BODY. I HATE HOW I LOOK. I NEED HELP TO TURN THIS AROUND.
It is OK to not not like what you see in the mirror. It is OK to say "I can do better. I can be better."It is OK to not be happy with something about the body God gave you- if it's something that you have control over. Excess fat is something you have control over. Cankles, thunder things, double and triple chins, and flabby biceps are something you have control over.
OK so enough motivational speech.
There are women out there who scoff at me, who say I look great and that I shouldn't focus so much on my weight and how I look. Unfortunately, the women saying that are usually people who look and feel worse than I do. That's not a judgement, because they're usually people I love and respect. But it's obvious. They're in the same boat as me but they think I'm better off so they want me to stop saying and doing things because it makes them feel bad about themselves. And that is not fair either.
If someone says they want to better themselves, be behind them. Say to yourself, if you must, "I don't agree with you" and to their face " I support you". Because women need support. They need it from other women, they need it from their spouses, they need it from their family, they need it from strangers. Women provide support, and they need it back. We all need to put our own insecurities aside and share the love- share support.
So, I have gotten more push back over what I am doing than support. I think that, in my head, it makes me feel like maybe I'm not doing the right thing. But I'll say this- I know my body and I know what it needs. Losing weight is not just something that I WANT TO DO, it's something that I NEED TO DO. Because I NEED to take care of my knees, I NEED to fit into one size of clothes for longer than a month, I NEED to be able to chase after my kid and not worry about fat hanging out, being out of breath, or injuring myself. I NEED TO DO THIS- for me and my child. Not for anyone else.
So, here we go.
Another January, another weight loss excursion, another series of posts chronicling my fight against... myself. Just kidding, that's so very negative. My fight against FAT.
As you know, I blogged about being pregnant and having a baby. So, I completely understand and agree that my body has done wondrous things and should be praised. I do not think that becoming and being obese is the praise that it needs.
I currently weigh about 164 pounds... when I was 8 months pregnant, which is when I ultimately delivered, I weighed about 165. That 17 months ago- and the differences in the health factor of me living at that weight is stark.
17 months ago I was harboring another human in a very swollen belly. I had a protective sack of fluids around that human, cushioning her. I did not have gestational diabetes and was not considered obese.
Right now, I have a BMI of 30, which poses a moderate to high health risk. 30 BMI, for my stature, is overweight to obese, depending who you talk to. I also have 38% body fat. More than a quarter of my body is fat. And, looking at myself, it's pretty safe to say it's mostly visceral fat. On a normal basis, I am carrying around a bunch of extra pounds like sacks of potatoes. I can see it in my arms, my face, my mid section, my legs, my hips- OK so that's basically EVERYWHERE.
Here's why I think that's a BAD thing.
I am short of stature with a relatively slender frame. I am now putting extra, unnecessary strain on my bones and the muscles and tendons that moves them. If you overload a table or shelf, it may collapse. Think about that when you overload your muscular-skeletal system.
So here I am- A mom to a toddler, a wife to husabnd, a dog mom, and now- A SMALL BUSINESS OWNER. And I am not happy with my body.
It is easy to make quick crap food, or pick up quick crap food.
It is easy to NOT go to the gym.
It is easy to be overweight.
It is not easy to change eating habits.
It is not easy to find the drive to get off my ass and start to sweat.
It is not easy to ignore a toddler.
So here we are. It's another January. It's another dedication to changing my body for the better. It's another weight loss post. I feel like a broken record, and I feel like a failure.
As I (try to) sit here and type, drinking my black coffee and my toddler loudly exclaiming she needs my attention, I realize that for many Januaries I have tried to do this. Last January I think I lost 12-14lbs in a 3 month period. I had a lot of incentive- a weight loss competition that paid out $1400 to the top winner. I am doing that again this year. Some women did 3 challenges in a row in 2019. I missed the second one, fell off the weight loss train, gained back 10lbs, and only managed to lose 4 in the 3 rd competition. But what ACTUALLY happened to me during that time?
I was embarrassed in photos.
I had to keep buying bigger and bigger jeans.
I had to replace jeans, legging, and yoga pants that got thigh rubs- yes, some had straight up holes.
I wore a lot of baggy sweatshirts that mysteriously became not-so-baggy.
I wore a lot of oversized cardigans.
I tried to remember to lift my chin and angle my body.
I tried to fit into a smaller size dress for my sister's wedding. I wore layers of spanx and similar items, and ended up uncomfortable and looking like a stuffed sausage. All of the expensive photos that she had, that had me in them, are -in my eyes- horrible and should have me cut out.
I AM EMBARRASSED OF MY BODY. I HATE HOW I LOOK. I NEED HELP TO TURN THIS AROUND.
It is OK to not not like what you see in the mirror. It is OK to say "I can do better. I can be better."It is OK to not be happy with something about the body God gave you- if it's something that you have control over. Excess fat is something you have control over. Cankles, thunder things, double and triple chins, and flabby biceps are something you have control over.
OK so enough motivational speech.
There are women out there who scoff at me, who say I look great and that I shouldn't focus so much on my weight and how I look. Unfortunately, the women saying that are usually people who look and feel worse than I do. That's not a judgement, because they're usually people I love and respect. But it's obvious. They're in the same boat as me but they think I'm better off so they want me to stop saying and doing things because it makes them feel bad about themselves. And that is not fair either.
If someone says they want to better themselves, be behind them. Say to yourself, if you must, "I don't agree with you" and to their face " I support you". Because women need support. They need it from other women, they need it from their spouses, they need it from their family, they need it from strangers. Women provide support, and they need it back. We all need to put our own insecurities aside and share the love- share support.
So, I have gotten more push back over what I am doing than support. I think that, in my head, it makes me feel like maybe I'm not doing the right thing. But I'll say this- I know my body and I know what it needs. Losing weight is not just something that I WANT TO DO, it's something that I NEED TO DO. Because I NEED to take care of my knees, I NEED to fit into one size of clothes for longer than a month, I NEED to be able to chase after my kid and not worry about fat hanging out, being out of breath, or injuring myself. I NEED TO DO THIS- for me and my child. Not for anyone else.
So, here we go.
Another January, another weight loss excursion, another series of posts chronicling my fight against... myself. Just kidding, that's so very negative. My fight against FAT.
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