I've been told I'm good at this ranting thing. Well, today I need to.
I have mentioned that at one point, I had a friend along with me on this journey. We confided in each other- She was at 1 year of trying, I was almost at 2. 1 year is when your Dr will start working with you about your fertility or TTC(trying to conceive) concerns. So she went to her doctor who sent her for the routine blood-work and for the ultrasound of her uterus and ovaries, and was told to start tracking her cycle more closely and time things better. She did that for 6 months. On the 6th month- these are her words straight to my ears- she got frustrated, stopped thinking about it and "trying". That was the month they nailed it.
Apparently, that makes her a 'getting pregnant guru'.
She called me to tell me, texted me a pic of the ultrasound. Invited me over for the gender reveal. Of course I tried to be supportive and happy for her. It was kind of a kick in the uterus the way that all panned out- I had an ally for 6 months. An ally who barely struggled, an ally who didn't go through half the shit I had already gone through and wouldn't go through the other half of the shit I had had to. This ally, this friend, became a constant source of added depression after that. Gone was the comforting camaraderie, what replaced it was "You guys are next!", "Now it's your turn!","If you stop thinking about it, it will just happen!". You know, all those things she hated hearing for the year and a half she was trying.
About a week ago her daughter was born. Again, I tried my best to be happy and supportive. Texted to check in on them way more times than I wanted to, but I didn't want to seem distant and bitter and- all the things I wanted to be. All the things it was easier to be.
Last night I was feeling very depressive- my period is due and there's a LOT of things going on in my life. So she texted me to say "Hey are you ok?" and when I said yeah and explained, she texted me a pic of her baby in a bright flowery outfit and said "Awww cheer up". Followed by "I know it's easier said than done but calm down and try not to think about it- I know it's hard, I was there". My heart FELL.
You were there? You tried for 2.5 years? You went through a year of 'fertility testing' with your OBGYN? You sat and were a pin cushion for multiple rounds of bloodwork? You sat through an HSG test? You went for a second opinion? Your husband went for the semen analysis (before you think I'm really crazy, she told me her husband was fighting her on the semen analysis right before she "stopped trying")?
Like, I get it, you think you were there- but you stopped talking to me about all of this stuff once you GOT PREGNANT, and you have no idea what I've been through in the last 9 months while you were in baby bliss. Weekly posts of your belly and sickenly cute quotes... let me share a few:
"Nine months preparing to fall in love for a lifetime."
"The butterflies he used to give me turned into tiny little feet "
"3 days until we find out if we have a little prince or princess on our hands and we can't wait to find out! Boy or girl we already love you."
"Ten little fingers, ten little toes, we're having a girl, bring on the pink bows!"
"So excited to meet this little girl who is half of me and half the one I love"
"We're in love with a little girl we haven't met yet"
"Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart "
"No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you, after all your the only one that knows what my heart ❤️ sounds like from the inside. "
"There is no better feeling than the feeling of life inside of you "
"It’s not a trick, it’s the sweetest treat! Our family is growing by one heart and two little feet! "
"I loved you from the very start. You stole my breathe & enhanced my heart. Our life together has just begun. Your part of me our little one"
That was just SOME OF THEM. AND THEN...
"Before you were born, we dreamed of you, we imagined you, we prayed for you. Now that you are here, we hope for you, we love you and thank god for you."
I had to unfollow her daily posts. And now, now she is telling me to cheer up, look at her kid and be happy, and stop stressing and it'll happen soon. "It took me a year and a half, I was getting discouraged like you and I finally said "f**k it" and it happened!"
Currently trying since August 2015. Currently still barren. Currently no answers as to WHY. Currently awaiting Aunt Flo (period) so I can have a consultation at a fertility clinic to discus how to go about setting up IUI (intrauterine insemination). Time keeps ticking, I ain't getting any younger.
But maybe one day I can use JUST ONE of those cute quotes and smile because I borrowed it from my friend... MAYBE.... One day...
I have mentioned that at one point, I had a friend along with me on this journey. We confided in each other- She was at 1 year of trying, I was almost at 2. 1 year is when your Dr will start working with you about your fertility or TTC(trying to conceive) concerns. So she went to her doctor who sent her for the routine blood-work and for the ultrasound of her uterus and ovaries, and was told to start tracking her cycle more closely and time things better. She did that for 6 months. On the 6th month- these are her words straight to my ears- she got frustrated, stopped thinking about it and "trying". That was the month they nailed it.
Apparently, that makes her a 'getting pregnant guru'.
She called me to tell me, texted me a pic of the ultrasound. Invited me over for the gender reveal. Of course I tried to be supportive and happy for her. It was kind of a kick in the uterus the way that all panned out- I had an ally for 6 months. An ally who barely struggled, an ally who didn't go through half the shit I had already gone through and wouldn't go through the other half of the shit I had had to. This ally, this friend, became a constant source of added depression after that. Gone was the comforting camaraderie, what replaced it was "You guys are next!", "Now it's your turn!","If you stop thinking about it, it will just happen!". You know, all those things she hated hearing for the year and a half she was trying.
About a week ago her daughter was born. Again, I tried my best to be happy and supportive. Texted to check in on them way more times than I wanted to, but I didn't want to seem distant and bitter and- all the things I wanted to be. All the things it was easier to be.
Last night I was feeling very depressive- my period is due and there's a LOT of things going on in my life. So she texted me to say "Hey are you ok?" and when I said yeah and explained, she texted me a pic of her baby in a bright flowery outfit and said "Awww cheer up". Followed by "I know it's easier said than done but calm down and try not to think about it- I know it's hard, I was there". My heart FELL.
You were there? You tried for 2.5 years? You went through a year of 'fertility testing' with your OBGYN? You sat and were a pin cushion for multiple rounds of bloodwork? You sat through an HSG test? You went for a second opinion? Your husband went for the semen analysis (before you think I'm really crazy, she told me her husband was fighting her on the semen analysis right before she "stopped trying")?
Like, I get it, you think you were there- but you stopped talking to me about all of this stuff once you GOT PREGNANT, and you have no idea what I've been through in the last 9 months while you were in baby bliss. Weekly posts of your belly and sickenly cute quotes... let me share a few:
"Nine months preparing to fall in love for a lifetime."
"The butterflies he used to give me turned into tiny little feet "
"3 days until we find out if we have a little prince or princess on our hands and we can't wait to find out! Boy or girl we already love you."
"Ten little fingers, ten little toes, we're having a girl, bring on the pink bows!"
"So excited to meet this little girl who is half of me and half the one I love"
"We're in love with a little girl we haven't met yet"
"Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart "
"No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you, after all your the only one that knows what my heart ❤️ sounds like from the inside. "
"There is no better feeling than the feeling of life inside of you "
"It’s not a trick, it’s the sweetest treat! Our family is growing by one heart and two little feet! "
"I loved you from the very start. You stole my breathe & enhanced my heart. Our life together has just begun. Your part of me our little one"
That was just SOME OF THEM. AND THEN...
"Before you were born, we dreamed of you, we imagined you, we prayed for you. Now that you are here, we hope for you, we love you and thank god for you."
I had to unfollow her daily posts. And now, now she is telling me to cheer up, look at her kid and be happy, and stop stressing and it'll happen soon. "It took me a year and a half, I was getting discouraged like you and I finally said "f**k it" and it happened!"
Currently trying since August 2015. Currently still barren. Currently no answers as to WHY. Currently awaiting Aunt Flo (period) so I can have a consultation at a fertility clinic to discus how to go about setting up IUI (intrauterine insemination). Time keeps ticking, I ain't getting any younger.
But maybe one day I can use JUST ONE of those cute quotes and smile because I borrowed it from my friend... MAYBE.... One day...
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