The (NOT SO) Skinny Girl

As I sit here in my pajamas, trying to finish eating cold oatmeal and drink cold coffee, with my 3 month old daughter fussing at my side- the little dictator that she is- I say to myself, "Wow, if only 20-year-old me could see me now". What do I mean when I say that? I mean I was pretty much hell on wheels until I was 28. A hot mess for too long. In no way a role model or even proud of myself for .... anything really. I didn't speak eloquently or smartly, I was often not a respectful person towards other, I was probably down right insensitive. And I was kinda a tramp. Not exactly the kind of person you'd want around kids or even to take home to meet Mom and Grandma. But, hey- PEOPLE CHANGE. In the words of Kevin Hart: "   If you don't believe that people change, grow, evolve as they get older, I don't know what to tell you. If you want to hold people in a position where they always have to justify or explain their past, then do you."   Can we all...

I had told my husband- after being invited to many of them and seeing more than 'a few' on social media - that I didn't want to have a gender reveal. To me, it's stupid. Being invited to one, I'm like "Do we bring a gift?" or "How does this work?" I think that after being pregnant, I have a better grasp on them and a more solid opinion of them. For my first child, we decided to hold off on a few things. We didn't do the 14 week blood test that would 100% tell us the gender, because it would also tell us a slew of other genetic information (such as if it had Downs or other diseases) that we decided was inconsequential. We didn't find out together during the ultrasound at 20 weeks what baby was, we took home an envelope. We didn't even open that envelope together. My husband actually ran inside the house, opened it, and had it tucked away before I got inside. He HAD TO know, I didn't. I was happy with having a healthy baby growing...

"Is this really necessary?" "How much is this going to cost?" "Before I make an appointment, can you give me a quote of what it might cost?" "Do you really think my pet needs to see the doctor?" "Do you really think they need this test/medication/procedure?" "Is this going to hurt them?" "You're hurting them!!!" "He's just an old dog." "She's just a cat- I've had cats all my life and I've never had any medical issues with them". "I can't afford all of that". I left a comfy, well paying, albeit boring, office job to follow my true passion- animal care. I'd love to say I'd been taking care of animals all my life, but my mother was the kind of person who would make a statement as quoted above. She wasn't an animal lover. She's not really a people lover either, but she likes infants and children. Not in a creepy way!! In the 'she-works-in...

I didn't used to be proud to say I was a Girl Scout- not while I was in middle or high school, at least. When you were in kindergarten, everyone joined up, did it until maybe 3rd grade. Then you started weeding out the sports people because practice and games got in the way. . . because sports earn big scholarships. Mind you, I was able to do Girl Scouts AND play sports, but that's just me. I missed a year somewhere, I want to say 8th grade when I went to a different school? So I fell behind in my scouting. But I joined back up in high school in the hopes of earning an award. I succeeded in earning a Silver Award, the second highest honor the Girl scouts had. I was unable to cram 2 years worth of work into one senior year of high school, so I opted not to go for the Gold Award. However, the Silver Award padded my college applications well enough. While in college, I worked for the local Girl Scout Council at a summer camp as a counselor, making a difference in young girl...

Dear Baby, Let me tell you about the moment I found out about you. Momma was seeing a fertility specialist, and learning to take detailed notes and look for signs of ovulation. I was pretty new at this, and it was a lot of work- I focused really intently on it. So intently, I missed the first sign of your arrival. Daddy said to Momma- "Aren't you due for your period?". Oh boy, THAT had slipped my mind! I logged into my old fertility tracking app- which conveniently told me when my period was due- to see if he was right. I was shocked to see it was 5 days late. 5 DAYS LATE- THE FIRST SIGN THAT YOU WERE ON YOUR WAY! I was in shock. My hand jumped to my belly- could you be IN there?? I spoke with my specialist that day, who said to wait until morning to take a pregnancy test. All day I was in a fog, I wondered if it was finally happening. I texted Daddy all day, probably annoyed him. I finally talked him into going out and getting a pregnancy test since the one at home w...

Maybe it's just me and my upbringing, I mean Italian mothers/grandmothers are top notch at laying on the guilt. God forbid you made ANY plans on a Sunday, or any other day designated as a family day, that didn't include getting together at Mom or Grandma's house for a 3 course (or more) army-sized meal. As I grew up and became aware and independent, I felt 'guilt' more and more. Not just for not spending time with family. For not thanking them enough. For not doing enough around the house. For not offering to do enough. For not having better grades or being better at something. For not having enough money for things. All sorts of guilt. I've carried this childhood notion of always feeling guilty about everything into my married, established, adult life.  Interestingly enough, where I thought it was just a "ME" thing, I'm starting to realize our culture, as a whole, is very geared towards placing guilt on people unnecessarily. It comes in a lot o...

As an early millennial- as someone who graduated HS in the early 2000's and then graduated college right around the time Obama became president- I am well aware of the reality of living with more debt than income. Borrowing $30-40k a year for 4 years of college put me behind the curve, since it's pretty hard for a full time college student to hold down a full time job. I worked numerous odd jobs and held a part time one, but I also had limited savings and money I made was quickly and easily spent on everyday living (necessity or not). Mom and Dad didn't provide much financial aid outside the academic necessities- books, food, health/car insurance. Even though I started looking about midway through my last semester, upon graduation I realized that I needed a full time job quickly- the loan companies had already let me know that repayment began 6 months after graduation and that they were in the process of calculating my monthly amounts😖. I looked as far away as Australia,...