The (NOT SO) Skinny Girl

I have joined so many "Mom's Groups" on Facebook since my daughter was born, and I get recommendations every day of another one to join, and another article to read, and another activity to try... the list goes on and on. 'Read this, do this, don't do that'... all with the intention of 'not screwing up the kid'. The anxiety I get from all of this, from being bombarded both face to face and through the screen, is almost unbearable. And I once worked in both a fast paced office environment and an animal hospital. The anxiety I get about keeping my own kid alive and 'not screwing it up' is overwhelming and keeps me up at night. I wish I had blogged about this every step of the way, but anxiety feeds depression and depression is a dank and ugly little hole that's hard to climb out of. But, here I am. Today I'd just like to touch on one teeny tiny little aspect of momming. It's about talking to your child. I was shown a chart of thing...

When you are pregnant, everyone realizes- KNOWS- that you are giving up your body for another. Your body will change. You will probably gain weight, lose bone density, gain longer more luxurious locks, and lose your abs.Your whole shape may change, with wider hips and bigger (often saggier) boobs. But post birth, your body doesn't just snap back. It takes weeks, months, YEARS. Not just for your tummy, but your hips area, your boob area, your back, your ankles. Immediately, I felt the pain of the epidural. It's 10.5 months down the road, and sometimes I still do. It's getting much better. It was pretty bad for the first 6 months. My back hurt all the time as I hunched over, breastfeeding. As I bent to lift the carrier or a sock off the ground.  After 2 months, my scar was healed, but it was far from gone. It was(is) still slightly red, a glaring reminder that they cut me to save my baby. I could still feel it up until probably 6 months.  My feet were swollen for 3 wee...

I am reminded on  International Women's Day that I am a woman, and that that is something that is a force to be reckoned with. I am reminded by Hillary Clinton, Ashley Judd and countless other feminists that being a woman is a bold, brazen (nasty?), and strong thing to be.  I just want to take a moment now to count down the times I truly felt like a strong woman. When I learned to throw, hit, and catch like a girl. When I put pen to paper and drew a detailed picture or wrote a moving poem. When I made it onto the honor and high honor roll (the first time and every time) The first time I rode a horse- and every single time after. When I won my first blue ribbon. When I fall off, and get back on. Also, when I realize it's ok to not get back on right away. The first time I decided I had to be strong for someone else. Even though I was dying inside. When I earned my Girl Scout Silver award. When I learned to drive a stick shift. And every time I get to drive one. When I...

So, I have now been a mom for 6 months and about 2 weeks. I have felt guilt during most of those 6 months. Definitely once a day, from multiple sources. I think you could call me in particular a Xennial mom. Xennials (also known as the Oregon Trail Generation and Generation Catalano) are the micro-generation of people on the cusp of the Generation X and Millennial demographic cohorts, typically born between the late 1970s and early 1980s. Xennials are described as having had an analog childhood and a digital adulthood. That being said, I also find that Xennial moms fall right in between the lines in regards to whats acceptable for momming. What do I mean? Let me paint a broad picture. Most Xennials have a higher form of education under their belt- at least an Associates, most a Bachelor's, many a Masters or PHD, etc. Most Xennials are still paying off student loan debt. Most Xennials work one full time job, many have second jobs or "side hustles". Many Xennials ar...

As I sit here in my pajamas, trying to finish eating cold oatmeal and drink cold coffee, with my 3 month old daughter fussing at my side- the little dictator that she is- I say to myself, "Wow, if only 20-year-old me could see me now". What do I mean when I say that? I mean I was pretty much hell on wheels until I was 28. A hot mess for too long. In no way a role model or even proud of myself for .... anything really. I didn't speak eloquently or smartly, I was often not a respectful person towards other, I was probably down right insensitive. And I was kinda a tramp. Not exactly the kind of person you'd want around kids or even to take home to meet Mom and Grandma. But, hey- PEOPLE CHANGE. In the words of Kevin Hart: "   If you don't believe that people change, grow, evolve as they get older, I don't know what to tell you. If you want to hold people in a position where they always have to justify or explain their past, then do you."   Can we all...

I had told my husband- after being invited to many of them and seeing more than 'a few' on social media - that I didn't want to have a gender reveal. To me, it's stupid. Being invited to one, I'm like "Do we bring a gift?" or "How does this work?" I think that after being pregnant, I have a better grasp on them and a more solid opinion of them. For my first child, we decided to hold off on a few things. We didn't do the 14 week blood test that would 100% tell us the gender, because it would also tell us a slew of other genetic information (such as if it had Downs or other diseases) that we decided was inconsequential. We didn't find out together during the ultrasound at 20 weeks what baby was, we took home an envelope. We didn't even open that envelope together. My husband actually ran inside the house, opened it, and had it tucked away before I got inside. He HAD TO know, I didn't. I was happy with having a healthy baby growing...

"Is this really necessary?" "How much is this going to cost?" "Before I make an appointment, can you give me a quote of what it might cost?" "Do you really think my pet needs to see the doctor?" "Do you really think they need this test/medication/procedure?" "Is this going to hurt them?" "You're hurting them!!!" "He's just an old dog." "She's just a cat- I've had cats all my life and I've never had any medical issues with them". "I can't afford all of that". I left a comfy, well paying, albeit boring, office job to follow my true passion- animal care. I'd love to say I'd been taking care of animals all my life, but my mother was the kind of person who would make a statement as quoted above. She wasn't an animal lover. She's not really a people lover either, but she likes infants and children. Not in a creepy way!! In the 'she-works-in...