So after the HSG there were many reports of conception for couples because the procedure opens up the tubes and cleans them out. So my husband did some research and got a little excited about it, told me about it, and I have been (trying really hard not to!!) waiting, watching and counting down until the day my app says I should get my period. And again, like clockwork, the floodgates opened.
My husband asked me last night why I was acting weird. I told him I was tired (overtired really), sore, grumpy. I seriously was starting to think I was pregnant. My boobs were tender at one point this week, I had these pangs in certain areas, I felt nauseous a few days. I was starting to settle in to the thought of finally being pregnant- because I KNOW what it felt like- and then starting to worry about life decisions like going out on the motorcycle earlier that day and feeling uncomfortable and unsafe (what if I wasn't traveling alone??), like having a few drinks throughout the weekend.
The truth is, yesterday I was physically and emotionally drained. I had work, a memorial, and a birthday party on Saturday... I ran around trying to please everyone and myself at the same time. I didn't feel well Saturday night (I assumed probably part of the 'supposed' pregnancy. FML I'm such an idiot). I went and played golf Sunday morning even though I didn't want to get out of bed. I actually did well! Came home tired AF (chalked it up to pregnancy, ugh I'm dying right now thinking about how dumb I am) and took an energy shot because I wanted to do some things around the house AND go with my hubby and our buddy out for a ride on the bikes since it turned out to be a gorgeous day. I regretted the energy shot and the bike ride worrying that WHAT IF I'M PREGNANT?
I checked my cycle tracking app during the Sunday Night football game because all I wanted to do was take a pregnancy test and KNOW... but I try not to do that until the period is officially late. It told me Monday was the day and I settled in for the wait.
I mysteriously got woken up at 5 am for no real reason. Had the urge to pee so I got up. And bam. Hello Aunt Flo, you bitch. I was so tired I couldn't even cry like I usually do. I couldn't even ... anything... but clean up and get back in bed and hug my hubby. More like push him off my side of the bed and then spoon him. Petted the dog, tried to fall asleep. It took 45 minutes to get back to sleep. My mind is a dangerous place sometimes.
Hubby woke me up at 7:15 not knowing I'd been up at night. I wanted to just blurt it out and tell him. But I moped around while we got ready to take the dog for his walk. We had some silence as we started on our way and I mentioned it to him. He just says "Oh" and hugs me to his side as we walk. Nothing more. I tell him I'm going to schedule this week to go get the additional bloodwork the DR mentioned. He says Ok. I joked that while we were out riding the motorcycles, I mentioned something about 'the baby's room' and our buddy was like "You guys are having a baby??" and I said no not yet, just planning ahead. I couldn't tell if he was excited or upset since we are his closest buddies and babies usually mean things change. We talk about it all the time, how our group of friends, the dynamic has changed because everyone's got kids now. We are the 3 Musketeers, adventuring on. The 3 best friends that anyone could have. The 3 amigos. You get it. Hubby said our buddy didn't seem upset, more curious of what I meant.
We don't have a game plan until those bloodwork results come in. My friend told me to stop messing around and go to a reproductive endocrinologist who will probably repeat most of that bloodwork anyway. I have the urge to call the insurance company and have a lengthy talk about what will and won't be covered moving forward.
All I know is, I'm getting drunk while tailgating for the Giants game tonight. I need to keep on living in the moment and not get sad about what is not going right in my life. So much IS right. There's so much life to live. I can't sit around waiting and worrying and .... wondering why or why not.
Keep calm... and chug on.
My husband asked me last night why I was acting weird. I told him I was tired (overtired really), sore, grumpy. I seriously was starting to think I was pregnant. My boobs were tender at one point this week, I had these pangs in certain areas, I felt nauseous a few days. I was starting to settle in to the thought of finally being pregnant- because I KNOW what it felt like- and then starting to worry about life decisions like going out on the motorcycle earlier that day and feeling uncomfortable and unsafe (what if I wasn't traveling alone??), like having a few drinks throughout the weekend.
The truth is, yesterday I was physically and emotionally drained. I had work, a memorial, and a birthday party on Saturday... I ran around trying to please everyone and myself at the same time. I didn't feel well Saturday night (I assumed probably part of the 'supposed' pregnancy. FML I'm such an idiot). I went and played golf Sunday morning even though I didn't want to get out of bed. I actually did well! Came home tired AF (chalked it up to pregnancy, ugh I'm dying right now thinking about how dumb I am) and took an energy shot because I wanted to do some things around the house AND go with my hubby and our buddy out for a ride on the bikes since it turned out to be a gorgeous day. I regretted the energy shot and the bike ride worrying that WHAT IF I'M PREGNANT?
I checked my cycle tracking app during the Sunday Night football game because all I wanted to do was take a pregnancy test and KNOW... but I try not to do that until the period is officially late. It told me Monday was the day and I settled in for the wait.
I mysteriously got woken up at 5 am for no real reason. Had the urge to pee so I got up. And bam. Hello Aunt Flo, you bitch. I was so tired I couldn't even cry like I usually do. I couldn't even ... anything... but clean up and get back in bed and hug my hubby. More like push him off my side of the bed and then spoon him. Petted the dog, tried to fall asleep. It took 45 minutes to get back to sleep. My mind is a dangerous place sometimes.
Hubby woke me up at 7:15 not knowing I'd been up at night. I wanted to just blurt it out and tell him. But I moped around while we got ready to take the dog for his walk. We had some silence as we started on our way and I mentioned it to him. He just says "Oh" and hugs me to his side as we walk. Nothing more. I tell him I'm going to schedule this week to go get the additional bloodwork the DR mentioned. He says Ok. I joked that while we were out riding the motorcycles, I mentioned something about 'the baby's room' and our buddy was like "You guys are having a baby??" and I said no not yet, just planning ahead. I couldn't tell if he was excited or upset since we are his closest buddies and babies usually mean things change. We talk about it all the time, how our group of friends, the dynamic has changed because everyone's got kids now. We are the 3 Musketeers, adventuring on. The 3 best friends that anyone could have. The 3 amigos. You get it. Hubby said our buddy didn't seem upset, more curious of what I meant.
We don't have a game plan until those bloodwork results come in. My friend told me to stop messing around and go to a reproductive endocrinologist who will probably repeat most of that bloodwork anyway. I have the urge to call the insurance company and have a lengthy talk about what will and won't be covered moving forward.
All I know is, I'm getting drunk while tailgating for the Giants game tonight. I need to keep on living in the moment and not get sad about what is not going right in my life. So much IS right. There's so much life to live. I can't sit around waiting and worrying and .... wondering why or why not.
Keep calm... and chug on.
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