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Waiting, watching, trying not think about it (TTC)

So my husband and I have been toying with the idea of IVF. That some sort of fertility treatment is probably the next step. And I figure there are three steps to try. If you think/know of others, please share in the comments!
1. Inject his sperm directly into my uterus
2. Take hormones to make sure I am poly ovulating (not sure the scientific term- but it causes more than one egg to ovulate) during a cycle or two
3. Put sperm and egg in petri dish and force glorious union which is then deposited into uterus

While I would love to think that being zen and chill and happy with my life as it is could lead to a spontaneous conception during my next cycle, it's hard to be terribly optimistic. And I'm really really fighting optimism this month after my husband read article upon article saying couples had a higher chance of conception after the HSG procedure because it kind of cleans the cobwebs out of the tubes. Gross, but you get the idea. It's like draino for your lady plumbing.

So I am trying not to think about it too much... trying not to get excited... trying not to check and double check my GLOW Cycle tracking app which tells me when my period is due...
My husband, on the other hand, is like "so when is your period due?"... and I snapped at him.
I'm like "I'm just trying not to think about that or focus on that OK so let's not talk about it. You will know if it shows up." Five minutes later I looked at the app and told him how many days we had until the floodgates open.

I have a script sitting at home for anti-Mullerian hormone bloodwork testing, which would probably lead to an ultrasound of my ovaries. One of my friends who's also dealing with infertility suggested I go straight to a reproductive endocrinologist and stop messing around.

I'm all over here worrying that my horse has been bucking when I rode him this week, that I've been eating like crap, that football season beings both booze and anxiety to my life, and that I'm already too fat for any of my pants....

3 days until period.

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Comments

  1. UnknownSeptember 20, 2017 at 10:59 AM

    Love you, girly! Hang tight, and keep your head up. Coping with infertility isn't easy. Going from optimism and hope one week to grieving what could be the next, month in and month out, is taxing. Take breaks from the process when you need them, be gentle on yourself and your marriage, and trust that no matter what you'll both get through it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. JazzySeptember 20, 2017 at 11:05 AM

    Thanks love!! :)

    ReplyDelete

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