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The (not so skinny) skinny girl

People look at me and say to my face "you're so skinny".

How come I can't look at myself and say that? I know they say we are our own biggest critics, but seriously. How come people don't see what I see? I ask my husband all the time why doesn't he have a problem with my love handles, my saddle bags, my thunder thighs. He laughs it off, he likes me just the way I am.

I have NEVER seen an ab on my body. Ever. I have also never seen my tummy lay flat. It always rounds. Round and squishy. I know you now what I mean. If you don't- teach me your ways!!

My arms are skinny, they always have been. I mean ok so I notice the bit of floppyness where hard chiseled muscles should be. They're just not big and strong, they're just... there. I have no upper body strength whatsoever lol.

My ankles are skinny. Clearly my calves are not because my slim calf zip-up riding boots (I am an equestrian) no longer zip... they cost $400 brand new. I'm in trouble now. I don't see the strong calf muscles, they're hidden. My thighs touch. Rub. I do get rashes from time to time. I never really noticed the "thigh gap" I've heard about in magazines on my own person. My thighs jiggle. And worse- they put pressure on seams in my nice work pants. So does my butt. So does my gut.

Lets talk about that:
Major motivator... When you were once able to buy yourself a brand spanking new size 4 wardrobe. that was LIFE. That was awesome.
When everything SMALL or size 4 stops fitting and you're scrambling every morning for an outfit to wear to the office... when you're going out for the night and you think leggings is a better choice than jeans. THAT is when you either spend another fortune on a larger sized wardrobe, or you make a lifestyle change to continue wearing what you already invested in. That is when depression sets in. You have all this nice stuff, and you probably spent a little more than you usually do on clothes because you felt good about yourself and damnn you're worth it. Baller. And now what.... 3 outfits tried on and thrown aside and you're throwing on your "period pants" and a baggy sweater and dressing it up with jewelry hoping it's not too shabby. Sweater dresses that don't hug tightly are your new best friend. Oversized cardigans make too-tight shirts OK for the office. They also allow you to not have to button your pants while sitting down at the desk.

Everyone has things they don't like about themselves. EVERYONE. If you don't-- TEACH ME YOUR WAYS!! Life is about dealing with them, bettering yourself, and BEING happy.

What makes you happy???

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