Per Prof. Thomas Gilovich: Want Happiness? Buy Experiences, Not Things
Experiences become a part of our identity. We are not our possessions, but we are the accumulation of everything we’ve seen, the things we’ve done, and the places we’ve been. Buying an Apple Watch isn’t going to change who you are; taking a break from work to hike the Appalachian Trail from start to finish most certainly will.
“Our experiences are a bigger part of ourselves than our material goods,” said Gilovich. "You can really like your material stuff. You can even think that part of your identity is connected to those things, but nonetheless, they remain separate from you. In contrast, your experiences really are part of you. We are the sum total of our experiences."
This weekend, for $320, I bought myself an experience and a skill. I took the Basic Rider Course offered by Motorcycle Riding Centers, Inc. Link to their site: https://theridingcenter.com/
I got my permit something like 6 years ago- I got 100% on the written permit test at motor vehicle and paid $5 for a piece of paper. You know what I did with that paper? Absolutely nothing. I couldn't afford my own bike and I had no one to teach me -my Dad was super busy with work and my friends wouldn't let me ride their bikes to learn. I thought about taking the course at that time, but I was working 3 jobs and struggling to get by financially, I just couldn't afford to take off a weekend and pay to take the course. So my permit was USELESS.
A few years later, my (then) boyfriend (now husband) signed himself up for the course. He had also liked bikes and he was at a good spot in his life to invest into this hobby. He got his endorsement (licensed to ride) and he bought a bike. He began practicing with his own bike in parking lots and on back roads. Within a year he was carrying me as a rider. Not for the first time in my life I was restricted to "sitting b**ch" on a bike. We both had head to toe riding gear, as safety is our biggest concern, and we also got headsets so we can communicate. Those come in handy when hubby has to swerve quick or change lanes unexpectedly. Being able to communicate with him throughout the ride calms my fear and anxiety. I suffer heavily from anxiety- so clinging to the back of a speeding bullet bike with no control of the situation is a heaping scoopful of panic attack mixed into my delicious daily anxiety smoothie.
After an incident, I started being "scared" again while riding with him on the bike. Taking a fall as a pair is a scary thing- no matter what speed or maneuver you were doing when it happened. Ours was a low-speed maneuver (a U-turn) that just went totally wrong. The physical injuries were minimal, but mentally I was scarred. I watched our buddy have the same exact fall a few months later while we were all out riding, again I was mentally shaken. I knew this wasn't good for me mentally- I needed either more control or less piggy-back time. Maybe it was time for me to learn to ride on my own.
I started riding with him less, and complaining more that he was spending so much time on the bike. The solution was clear- If I could ride my own bike, we could spend time together, riding. He signed me up early in the year -these courses fill up ridiculously fast because it's such a valuable course and you end the weekend with the license.
Mind you- I am a horseback rider. Motorcyclists think I'm crazy because their hobby includes an inanimate object that they are in complete control of. My hobby consists of a 1200(+/-)lb beast that has a mind of its own and doesn't speak my language. Control is a fine line I walk every time I saddle up. And I only wear a helmet for protection ... and I stupidly (cocky b**ch) do not follow equestrian helmet safety standards in regards to 'falls' or expirations. My helmet should be replaced MUCH more often than I have done so.... anyway...
As the course approached, I started to fight the idea of doing it. The fear and anxiety crept up until it was roaring in my face. My husband tried to give me pointers and tips and tell me about what he learned, but I finally had to stop him. I am a hands on learner. His words with no visual and nothing to compare to was frustrating, and hearing "or you'll crash/drop the bike/get hurt" in the sentences was frightening. Even when the instructors READ the explanations of the exercises, I didn't really get it. When they showed us what they wanted us to do- it clicked. I should be from Missouri, the "Show Me State" (Bless your heart professor Larry Morris <3 RIP).
I showed up with all my gear- helmet, reinforced gloves, moto riding jacket(with armor), reinforced moto riding boots. The swaddling blanket for beginner riders, I had it all- I was practically wrapped in bubble wrap. I was very nervous and anxious, and I had a slow start...I spent extra time waddling on my bike as I feathered the clutch. Scared to pick up my feet and put them on the pegs. Scared to give it gas as I wobbled. I couldn't believe when they said "if it's wobbling you are going too slow, give it gas and it will stand back up"... But I did it, and avoided putting my feet down (and risking blowing out my knees) and kept the bike going on it's own two wheels. It was black magic, and I was bewitched.
I learned to shift- it was way easier than I had feared. Learning to drive a stick car took a while for me to do fluidly. The bike was begging for me to kick it into high gear. I always though that must be a horseback riding saying, but after learning to shift a motorcycle I'm not so sure anymore!
I did leans and curves and quick stops- all things I hate to do while riding on the back of the bike.
To see the instructions come into fruition and see myself execute all that was requested of me-- that was invigorating. I gained confidence- something I lacked while hanging on to someone else and their machine. I was liking the speed and control and maneuverability of the bike. I was relishing in both the constructive criticism and the positive reinforcement. I was out to do this right, to learn how to do it properly and ride safely.
I was super excited to get the 1st 100% of the 2017 riding season on my written test. Beat out all the boys (yeah, I was the only girl in that class) and even my hubby's score!
On day 2 we learned life-saving skills and prepped for the skills evaluation which would ultimately tell us if we were license-able. I almost sh*t a brick when it came time to "test". I'm a horrible test taker. When it comes time to be "tested" is when the anxiety monster comes out to play. I hate that f**ker!! And of course, we had to do each part individually, which meant the rest of the class was also watching. I was imagining embarrassing myself in front of the instructors and other students. My joy of that 100% on paper was gone- here on the street, in the seat, motor purring.... it's a whole new world. The instructors told us you could fail one part and still pass. Of course, I didn't want to fail any. I wanted that 100%.
So I resorted to what I do when I'm riding the horses and a little nervous/anxious. I talked myself through it. For the U-turn "Give it a nice big look, chin to shoulder, keep your feet up, give it gas if it's wobbly... either touch a foot down or cross the line but don't do both". For the swerve "pick up speed, points off for too slow. It's not a swerve if you turn the handlebars; just press and press, don't turn. Stop quick, both brakes, downshift". In between the testing maneuvers, I was singing Bon Jovi to myself... "I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride....". I know, I'm retarded but whatever, it kept me from listening to my racing heart, since we were instructed not to talk during the test. For the quick stop... the most feedback I kept getting was "both brakes, then downshift" and "downshift before your foot hits the ground"- you bet that's what I was saying to myself. You also have to pick up speed for that one. Speed was no biggy- the bike handled better in 2nd gear anyway! The last one was negotiating the curve. I had joked with my hubby that "I have curves for days!" because I felt I was so good at it. But I couldn't get cocky or I'd mess it up... so I told myself "Slow before the curve, look around it to the end, commit to it and roll on the throttle". Boom. Owned it.
Then we parked and dismounted and went to the sitting area to wait for our scores. The owner of the company said I nailed the curve. YEAH BUDDY!! My final score- although not perfect like my written- was really good! I only got deducted 8 points (you can get deducted 20 and still pass) which is like a 92?! I beat out hubby again- he got deducted 15 points on his test! And so the student surpasses the "teacher"- sorry babe!
So to celebrate, I hopped on the back of hubbys bike and we went for a ride. I can't ride on my own until I go to DMV and get my license endorsed. We looked at bikes too. I don't think I'll be getting a sport bike to start on- I like the cruisers I learned on. It will be a great confidence builder and will help me fight my anxiety. It's like having my hubby by my side- someone I know, trust, and know how to push their buttons to get what I want ;)
What a wonderful way to spend $320- on 3 days learning how to be a confident motorcycle rider! This experience and the skills I have learned will lead to years of happiness and adventure- two things I absolutely adore. AND- I will get to ride with my hubby, that guy I adore.
Now, it's his turn to master riding... on my horse!!!!
Experiences become a part of our identity. We are not our possessions, but we are the accumulation of everything we’ve seen, the things we’ve done, and the places we’ve been. Buying an Apple Watch isn’t going to change who you are; taking a break from work to hike the Appalachian Trail from start to finish most certainly will.
“Our experiences are a bigger part of ourselves than our material goods,” said Gilovich. "You can really like your material stuff. You can even think that part of your identity is connected to those things, but nonetheless, they remain separate from you. In contrast, your experiences really are part of you. We are the sum total of our experiences."
This weekend, for $320, I bought myself an experience and a skill. I took the Basic Rider Course offered by Motorcycle Riding Centers, Inc. Link to their site: https://theridingcenter.com/
I got my permit something like 6 years ago- I got 100% on the written permit test at motor vehicle and paid $5 for a piece of paper. You know what I did with that paper? Absolutely nothing. I couldn't afford my own bike and I had no one to teach me -my Dad was super busy with work and my friends wouldn't let me ride their bikes to learn. I thought about taking the course at that time, but I was working 3 jobs and struggling to get by financially, I just couldn't afford to take off a weekend and pay to take the course. So my permit was USELESS.
A few years later, my (then) boyfriend (now husband) signed himself up for the course. He had also liked bikes and he was at a good spot in his life to invest into this hobby. He got his endorsement (licensed to ride) and he bought a bike. He began practicing with his own bike in parking lots and on back roads. Within a year he was carrying me as a rider. Not for the first time in my life I was restricted to "sitting b**ch" on a bike. We both had head to toe riding gear, as safety is our biggest concern, and we also got headsets so we can communicate. Those come in handy when hubby has to swerve quick or change lanes unexpectedly. Being able to communicate with him throughout the ride calms my fear and anxiety. I suffer heavily from anxiety- so clinging to the back of a speeding bullet bike with no control of the situation is a heaping scoopful of panic attack mixed into my delicious daily anxiety smoothie.
After an incident, I started being "scared" again while riding with him on the bike. Taking a fall as a pair is a scary thing- no matter what speed or maneuver you were doing when it happened. Ours was a low-speed maneuver (a U-turn) that just went totally wrong. The physical injuries were minimal, but mentally I was scarred. I watched our buddy have the same exact fall a few months later while we were all out riding, again I was mentally shaken. I knew this wasn't good for me mentally- I needed either more control or less piggy-back time. Maybe it was time for me to learn to ride on my own.
I started riding with him less, and complaining more that he was spending so much time on the bike. The solution was clear- If I could ride my own bike, we could spend time together, riding. He signed me up early in the year -these courses fill up ridiculously fast because it's such a valuable course and you end the weekend with the license.
Mind you- I am a horseback rider. Motorcyclists think I'm crazy because their hobby includes an inanimate object that they are in complete control of. My hobby consists of a 1200(+/-)lb beast that has a mind of its own and doesn't speak my language. Control is a fine line I walk every time I saddle up. And I only wear a helmet for protection ... and I stupidly (cocky b**ch) do not follow equestrian helmet safety standards in regards to 'falls' or expirations. My helmet should be replaced MUCH more often than I have done so.... anyway...
As the course approached, I started to fight the idea of doing it. The fear and anxiety crept up until it was roaring in my face. My husband tried to give me pointers and tips and tell me about what he learned, but I finally had to stop him. I am a hands on learner. His words with no visual and nothing to compare to was frustrating, and hearing "or you'll crash/drop the bike/get hurt" in the sentences was frightening. Even when the instructors READ the explanations of the exercises, I didn't really get it. When they showed us what they wanted us to do- it clicked. I should be from Missouri, the "Show Me State" (Bless your heart professor Larry Morris <3 RIP).
I showed up with all my gear- helmet, reinforced gloves, moto riding jacket(with armor), reinforced moto riding boots. The swaddling blanket for beginner riders, I had it all- I was practically wrapped in bubble wrap. I was very nervous and anxious, and I had a slow start...I spent extra time waddling on my bike as I feathered the clutch. Scared to pick up my feet and put them on the pegs. Scared to give it gas as I wobbled. I couldn't believe when they said "if it's wobbling you are going too slow, give it gas and it will stand back up"... But I did it, and avoided putting my feet down (and risking blowing out my knees) and kept the bike going on it's own two wheels. It was black magic, and I was bewitched.
I learned to shift- it was way easier than I had feared. Learning to drive a stick car took a while for me to do fluidly. The bike was begging for me to kick it into high gear. I always though that must be a horseback riding saying, but after learning to shift a motorcycle I'm not so sure anymore!
I did leans and curves and quick stops- all things I hate to do while riding on the back of the bike.
To see the instructions come into fruition and see myself execute all that was requested of me-- that was invigorating. I gained confidence- something I lacked while hanging on to someone else and their machine. I was liking the speed and control and maneuverability of the bike. I was relishing in both the constructive criticism and the positive reinforcement. I was out to do this right, to learn how to do it properly and ride safely.
I was super excited to get the 1st 100% of the 2017 riding season on my written test. Beat out all the boys (yeah, I was the only girl in that class) and even my hubby's score!
On day 2 we learned life-saving skills and prepped for the skills evaluation which would ultimately tell us if we were license-able. I almost sh*t a brick when it came time to "test". I'm a horrible test taker. When it comes time to be "tested" is when the anxiety monster comes out to play. I hate that f**ker!! And of course, we had to do each part individually, which meant the rest of the class was also watching. I was imagining embarrassing myself in front of the instructors and other students. My joy of that 100% on paper was gone- here on the street, in the seat, motor purring.... it's a whole new world. The instructors told us you could fail one part and still pass. Of course, I didn't want to fail any. I wanted that 100%.
So I resorted to what I do when I'm riding the horses and a little nervous/anxious. I talked myself through it. For the U-turn "Give it a nice big look, chin to shoulder, keep your feet up, give it gas if it's wobbly... either touch a foot down or cross the line but don't do both". For the swerve "pick up speed, points off for too slow. It's not a swerve if you turn the handlebars; just press and press, don't turn. Stop quick, both brakes, downshift". In between the testing maneuvers, I was singing Bon Jovi to myself... "I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride....". I know, I'm retarded but whatever, it kept me from listening to my racing heart, since we were instructed not to talk during the test. For the quick stop... the most feedback I kept getting was "both brakes, then downshift" and "downshift before your foot hits the ground"- you bet that's what I was saying to myself. You also have to pick up speed for that one. Speed was no biggy- the bike handled better in 2nd gear anyway! The last one was negotiating the curve. I had joked with my hubby that "I have curves for days!" because I felt I was so good at it. But I couldn't get cocky or I'd mess it up... so I told myself "Slow before the curve, look around it to the end, commit to it and roll on the throttle". Boom. Owned it.
Then we parked and dismounted and went to the sitting area to wait for our scores. The owner of the company said I nailed the curve. YEAH BUDDY!! My final score- although not perfect like my written- was really good! I only got deducted 8 points (you can get deducted 20 and still pass) which is like a 92?! I beat out hubby again- he got deducted 15 points on his test! And so the student surpasses the "teacher"- sorry babe!
So to celebrate, I hopped on the back of hubbys bike and we went for a ride. I can't ride on my own until I go to DMV and get my license endorsed. We looked at bikes too. I don't think I'll be getting a sport bike to start on- I like the cruisers I learned on. It will be a great confidence builder and will help me fight my anxiety. It's like having my hubby by my side- someone I know, trust, and know how to push their buttons to get what I want ;)
What a wonderful way to spend $320- on 3 days learning how to be a confident motorcycle rider! This experience and the skills I have learned will lead to years of happiness and adventure- two things I absolutely adore. AND- I will get to ride with my hubby, that guy I adore.
Now, it's his turn to master riding... on my horse!!!!
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